He's adorable.

Yes.

I'm legit confused. What is he actually trying to say? I need to know, yo. It's imperative.

Thank you, sooooo much. My 10 year old niece, this last summer, sat on my couch and watched this show endlessly. Not once, NOT ONCE, did I ever hear her laugh. She laughs at everything, but this show put her in hypnotic trance. Fuck this show.

UM, GUYS. Can we please pretend that Maleficent and Loki are hooking up and start mentioning them in Dirt Bag from time to time as MaLokicent?

Horns. Haughty looks. Those cheekbones. They were made for each other. And yet they can never be. (Too much type A going on there, amirite?) BUT STILL.

I even put pulled pork in them this time. And ALL GUYS LOVE PULLED PORK!

That is exactly what was said. Now: explain how you got past all the booby traps Jezebel has set up specifically to keep filthy male swine away!

I like it when Maleficent says "Because you would be [afraid]" in the most bored voice

When I was little (we're talking pre-kindergarten) I made my dad read "Sleeping Beauty" over and over and over so many times he finally hid it in the couch because he was sick of it - but he never called me out for rooting for Maleficent or crying when the dragon died and the evil princess won.

I wish I could go back…

Ok, the Emma Thompson news has made me feel like anvil has been dropped on my head. I had nooooo idea this occurred and I now conflicted about me loving HBC so much. Emma is super classy about it all, she's amazing.

Today in reasons I love Jezebel, 4 out of the top 5 comments are about a HBC, Emma Thompson and Kenneth Branagh love triangle that is over 15 years in the past. Fantastic.

is it weird that I think Lorde could be a good influence on T. Swift?

I was thinking she's more like Helen Mirren, personality-wise.

I am not sure how she reacted, but hyperventilating on her bed while listening to "Photograph" by Nickleback is among my top guesses.

What she got was an absolute upgrade with her next husband Greg Wise.

No, that's what happens when you marry an insufferable, egotistical douchebag.

That will haunt my dreams. Thanks for that.

As a single woman with no romantic prospects on the horizon, I would like to thank you for easing my pain, because just reading the phrase "Nicolas Cage sex pix" will dull my libido for years to come.

As with most things, I blame space cats. In this particular case, I'd take a look at this one.

Jennifer Lawrence is like the second coming of Emma Thompson, in my opinion. They can do no wrong. Both of them would have to repeatedly kick puppies for me to stop loving them.