Real reason? Forehead too shiny

Excellent composition and writing skills. Except that there wasn’t a single mention of how much you’re displeased with recent political events, as per Deadspin community standards. 3 out of 5 stars.

The man spoke to an empty chair, for a while and on live tv. He’s allowed to have a fake twitter if he chooses so.

How dare police officers chew gum obnoxiously while I exercise my constitional rights? Cops in Canada and other countries always chew their gum quietly, mouth closed.

Sweet comeback