His head is slowly turning into a dreidel.

We almost had a James-free episode last night.

I’m enjoying every second of this ridiculousness. I want more Stassi and much less of Lala and James, both of whom are like listening to babies argue about who has the biggest graham cracker at snack time.

I have no idea what I just read, but that was captivating AF.

For such a “devout”Christian family, they sure have a gluttonous desire for fame.

Whitefish AND lox. Local bagel place special. Also has tomato, cucumber and red onion on it.

THANK YOU JESUS FOR PINPOINTING THAT ONE

In all seriousness? If Comedy Central picked up BCO for a sketch comedy show formatted exactly like Drunk History, in that they pick a central narrator for each tale and real household-name actors dramatize the story and lipsync the dialog... I WOULD WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THAT.

“And now, we return to .... ‘Demonfarts of August: The BCO Story’”

This assumes that you have a place already where everyone can congregate, tables and chairs for people to eat on and sound equipment to play an iPod on. We actually had none of those things. Please don’t tell me “anyone can use a public park” because where I live you have to get very expensive permits and use…

I didn’t get to have a wedding because my parents didn’t like him, his parents didn’t like me and I was pregnant. Now we’re 8.5 years in, we have a great kid, parents have chilled out and we actually kind of all love each other now, and I really want to have a big 10 year anniversary party with fancy dresses and a lot…

Mandatory part of their work uniform.

Somewhere in another universe, a goldfish bride is gluing a naked, drowning family of four from Dearborn, Michigan to a tiny, decorative house, finishing up final preparations the night before her wedding.

“Why the long face??”

He’s all cracked out on catnip.

I even named her Roo McClanahan (spelled it differently so people don’t get the two confused)

They’re both Asian so this is only sort of racist.

Steve Buscemi or Peter Lorre, depending on your age of reference