To be fair, those stigmata wounds in his hands open easily.

Or, alternately, “The 8 onliest games for the Nintendo Switch”

what kind of classless ultra douche would....

Dear Republicans,

I started watching Sports center as a young child in the late eighties when it was just sports and no hidden political agenda.

This liberal bias is exactly why I canceled my subscription to Deadspin. I just read all the words in the articles and comment sometimes.

“And in the box, Your Holiness will find a pair of khakis, God’s favorite pants.”

BAH! Everyone knows the real Konami Code was Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, SELECT, Start! But you damn lazy kids, too busy with your fancy smanchy Cellulite Phones and your Justin Beavers! It’s no wonder you kids can’t be bothered to use the correct Konami Code, what with all that Mary Jane…

Love that this “accidentally single handedly started an HIV outbreak” motherfucker is the face of responsible conservatism.

Hernandez learned everything he knew about the Bible from Tim Tebow, which explains why his understanding of it was incomplete.

But also, why the hell would a juice press need four tons of force? Is it juicing granite boulders or some shit?

Doug Evans, the company’s founder, would compare himself with Steve Jobs in his pursuit of juicing perfection. He declared that his juice press wields four tons of force—“enough to lift two Teslas,” he said.

This is my favourite excerpt.

In the last 24 hours, the Celtics went down 0-2 to a laughable Bulls team, Aaron Hernandez committed suicide, and Gronk yukked it up with a propaganda minister nobody respects.

Wow, this guy just can’t stop killing people. 

“Heat Check” and “Fam”? Fuck, I’m getting old. This doesn’t even seem like English anymore. Just put me out to pasture, already.

It is still not clear to the family how Malachi got his hands on the dangerous weapon. Stephens said that he got the gun from a friend who got it from someone else. Investigators are looking into finding out who originally had the gun and passed it to the friend, the news station notes.

Damn, that last tweet is beyond poignant.

Man...that last tweet though. Incredible.