My favorite:

We gonna rent the moon and fill it with Roseeeeeee!!!!

Rachel Dratch also couldn’t name 20 white people so

Werd. I’m a nervous babbler. Also, I was outed in the first round of the 3rd grade spelling bee for forgetting to put the letter ‘e’ on the end of handsome...a word I knew like the back of my hand.

Even if Billy wasn’t screaming in your face, it’s difficult to answer when you’re put on the spot like that. But it’s ok...he’s forgiven because when Key & Peele were on, they put on the some the most amazing sketches about being gay.

even if you know the things that you’re asked about, recalling them on the spot is hard.

From your lips to Mattel’s ears. I would buy the shit out of Michelle Obama Barbies.

Donald never laughs and Melania rarely smiles

Donald never laughs and Melania rarely smiles. That said, the one thing she could really do as First Lady, which would be within her life experience as a model, would be to wear and promote as many American designers as possible. And that doesn’t include Ivanka’s clothing, which is made offshore.

Be grateful you haven’t seen a picture of her smiling... It’s unsettling.

Michelle has a great, genuine smile. She lights up the room.

I read somewhere else that there are also plans to get rid of the Endangered Species Act. They just want the land to drill. It’s literally like one shitshow after the other. The amount of damage that can be done in four years absolutely terrifies me.

Don’t forget no national parks;

Sames. Although having worked in the nonprofit sector for the last 15 years, I can say with confidence that having to rely on donors (private individuals, foundations, and/or corporate) for 100% of your revenue is a shit show.

This apparently includes the DOJ’s 25 Violence Against Women grant programs.

What I see happening is Democrats will end up donating to these programs and they will get funded and they will go on. And my tiny black heart says only Democrats should be able to use them. I’m just angry right now, I probably don’t really feel that way.

I’m glad they are finally defunding Sesame Street. Kids today are too used to being given everything. In my day, if we wanted to watch puppets count to ten, we had to go and farm our own sheep, shear them ourselves, make wool, knit socks with needles we had whittled from trees we grew ourselves, stick our hands in the…

I hate them for filling my heart with so much hate.

Judge not, lest ye be defunded?

And these are the people who claim to be Christians.