You obviously don’t watch the Late Show. That’s a homage to how Stephen introduces people during his monologue.

Did you see the Nevada debate? It’s obviously EW who’s bringing the heat.

This is an excellent idea for the next debate. Before you can answer a question, you have to eat the next wing. And not just a nibble, but clean bones.

That’s my plan.

On the other side it said, (“KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?”)

How hard is it to DIY?

Who starts a negotiation with a compromise?

The U.S. population is 60 times the size of Finland’s (330M vs. 5.5M).

Where do you live that still has a working drive-in?

A little part of my soul that I had forgotten was there just did a happy dance.

The hoardes dying of COVID-19 looked up and cried, “Save us!”

Do you want to get people fired from the Department of Redundancy Department? DO YOU?!

I’m Edison Carter, and what I want to know is...

What is this and how can I get one?

Last time I got my dad a switch, it was from behind the woodshed.

Every car I’ve ever driven has had a driver, not a pilot.

When you buy gas, you have to scan your membership card before you scan your credit card. I assume they’ll do something similar at the food court.