No reputable tattoo parlor will give you a face tattoo. At least not unless you’re completely covered in tattoos already. Same with hands.

Sarah meant to say, “Paul Ryan and his elk...” It’s a well-known fact that, up in Alaska, all the bad guys have elk henchmen.

It sounds like he’s both the landlord and a roommate. “Man seeks politically-likeminded roommates” doesn't quite have the same clickbait quality to it, though.

“I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.” Susan B. Anthony

I don’t know about you, but my favorite part of The Bible is when Jesus yelled “no bread for that poor gay democrat!” at the feeding of the multitude. Classic Jesus.

GUYS. DON’T WORRY. “Ecce homo” fresco lady is on this.

Boom. I'm surrounded by vegans and you'd never know it if you didn't eat around them regularly. They make me tasty treats and I've gotten some great recipes

But like why? Why do we have no fucking rhythm?

Hey if it’s good enough for Sweet Dee Reynolds...

I think we all know the most reasonable solution: separate restrooms for conservative men.

Or if you’re Neil DeGrasse Tyson, just talk about the moon for 10 minutes then give all the graduates fist bumps at the end of the ceremony (no, I will not stop bragging about this...)

Yeah I hear that but They don’t believe in pet ownership it’s a pretty extreme view, I don’t agree with it, but they’ve never lied about their euthanasia numbers. I’ve never heard anything about this stealing pets thing, doesn’t mean it’s not true but I couldn’t find anything about it.

Fuck people who use wild animals for their entertainment.

As an biracial person, 100% of my relationships are interracial.

I learned a new word today: miscegenation. Usually I feel smarter after learning a new word. Not today.

Interracial gay relationshiper here. I forget I’m in an interracial relationship 99% of the time. Am I alone in this? Also, I have a few dozen button-down shirts from Old Navy, for casual workdays. Old Navy has become better than their strict sibling, Banana Republic.

>How do you know when someone is a vegan?

yes, you’re a clever snowflake because you made fun of an often-ridiculed group; and look, you got two hundred stars for it! everyone here should feel proud to have taken conventional wisdom to a whole new level of banality

I mean, when I was vegan the only thing I craved was human flesh. I think that is just a thing.