Twice a week would be litter box mutiny in my cat's life. I take 5 minutes to scoop every day.

I'll say what everyone, including my big-swinging-dick-self, is thinking:

I worked on the line at a Greek restaurant for a while. It was family owned, which meant that a couple had started it years ago, and their kids currently ran it. There was a lot of family drama because A) Greek and B) the parents hadn't decided which kids would inherit the restaurant. One of the brothers was a…

I didn't know you like to get wet.

Oh please expand on cutting weed down with other drugs. I am dying to hear this.

"Look, sir, I admit that my resume is a little barebones, that you look at me and you just see a young guy who doesn't know his way in the world, but let me tell you: I know how to handle a Wang. I've been around more Wangs than you can imagine, I know how they work, I have a feel for them... you give me a chance,…

I should have topped you more. :/

Seriously. Tell that to my cat. It'll be news to the many mice he's joyously tossed about like a hacky-sack, until they die of fright. At which point he loses all interest and deposits them in the dimmest, most barefoot-trafficked path possible.

That twinge of guilt I sometimes feel when digging into a juicy steak? GONE FOREVER!!!11

Cows, goats, and sheep love barn kittens as well.

back in the very early 90s I worked at Hardee's (that's Carl's Jr for you west coast folks) after school. This was when they introduced the peach milkshake, which I don't even know if they have anymore because I haven't set foot in one since high school. We sold so many of these damn things. Except there was this one…

I'm going to say everything "doesn't taste like ham" for two weeks due to this.

It tastes like green. Which is lucky, because he's probably allergic to red.

I would beg to differ about 15% being the minimum even for shitty service. So if I have a $40 meal, that difference between the 20% normal tip and 15% 'minimum' you suggest is only $2, not much of an incentive for good service. If you really screw up and give truly shitty service, 15% is way too high.

"As a palate cleanser for the last two weeks, please enjoy some stories of terrible customers receiving their just rewards."

Ok I refer to my dogs and my cat as my "furbabies". I can't help it. We don't have hairless children and never will. Our "kids" are all rescued and we love them dearly. People who show dogs are another type of freaky that I can't understand. Our dogs live like dogs - they get dirty, run outside, chase stuff, nap on…

Until today, I honestly didn't even know that anything other than "tiger" was ever used in that rhyme, and now I am actually feeling a bit ashamed of saying the rhyme at all. I can't say that I will ever feel comfortable using it again, or teaching it to my children, regardless of the "cleaned up" language. It's…