I was in an internet argument with someone once who ended every single one of her condescending posts with :) . After a while the utter and complete passive aggressiveness got to me so I started doing it back, then doubled down. By the end of the argument our posts just started having lines of smileys like :) :) :) :)…

YES! I got that from a flat earther on Twitter the other day. He popped up in an unrelated conversation, challenged me to “prove” that the world is round, then when his ‘evidence’ was questioned, floated off with “All love. Peace.” I have never wanted to punch my phone more.

It’s odd to see so many replies—-on Jezebel of all places—-questioning the mother’s right to breastfeed wherever she damn well pleases.

Any excuse to call Americans assholes, right?

If you wait, sometimes even ten minutes, you get mastitis. Mastitis fucking sucks. Also when you have a kid their crying triggers engorgement and milk flow- which hurts if there’s not a tiny hot mouth getting the milk out. Also it hurts a mother’s soul and is extremely distressing. Nature!

It has nothing to do with babies “starving.” As a matter of fact, I’m nursing my daughter right now (at home), but I have no qualms about nursing in public. I don’t use a cover, either (I’ve tried but she hates it and I’m not going to wrestle a baby who has my nipple in her mouth). And while sure, the baby CAN wait,…

Me too. I’m a big fan of the Oxford comma, but no one, particularly not journalists, uses it. So I totally read this as a threesome between Jesus, Victoria, and Albert.

My son: “What are those?”

They targeted gamers.

I’m not on Twitter, I only know like 14 people so I just talk to them.

Ungraying the poor people stuck in the grays who are not meany-pants, and occasionally post a silly comment.....asking for a friend....

Same. I’m obsessed with women’s gymnastics and am pissed I will have to go out of my way to avoid the Internet Sunday to avoid spoilers for the qualifications. I want to see the “journey” whatever the fuck that means, but I want to see their scores as they compete!

Retail employee answer: It is not my problem if your card was stolen or not. I have zero incentive to ensure it is actually your card. No incentive whatsoever. If it’s stolen, anyone with half a brain knows you’ll get the money back after some hassle with the company, and worst case if it is stolen what is a minimum…

If you lied at any point in your petition for a visa, green card, or citizenship, you can absolutely be deported.

I think everyone knows that, but when you’ve been poor, it’s an instant throwback to those days and the grinding, never-ending grubby shame of it all.

Seriously. My daily routine is excruciatingly mundane and I rarely buy military hardware or child pornography on the dark web, yet Chase loves to randomly lock my card for “suspicious activity.” Then it’s the tedious rigmarole of calling the fraud department and verifying that, yes, I did buy a bunch of action…

Using Trump tweets as a style guide- sad!

I was thinking maybe for the her son? No matter how rich you are, kids should pretty much always be dressed in disposable clothing. But that might be a skewed perspective since I have no children and don’t want any and they seem like little money pits to me. Cute ones, sometimes, but money pits nonetheless.

12 bottles of wine is perfectly normal, THANK you very much.

I've just been calling him Prince Seinfeld. George (Costanza) (Jason) Alexander (Julia) Louis (Dreyfus).