The quote from the breed advocate was hardly coherent, let alone helpful. Or maybe my brain is just broken today.

It reads like Doge took an adderall and pulled an all-nighter to finish writing it.

It DID mimic speech patterns of conspiracy theorists.

It's actually like a club you get into. I met many others. Some of my navy buddies, so it wasn't like this was from a single blood line.

Kind of like how you're being a dick, but I don't judge all humans based on you.

It does read as if Doge himself wrote it trying to pass as hoomin.

I had one I bought for my then girlfriend before we got married. She got him in the divorce.

BEST. DOG. EVER. Think of every positive trait you've ever loved in a dog. He had all of them.

Yeah, this whole article could be summarised with "Dogs are cute! Particularly when combined with Comic Sans! But make sure you're capable of taking care of it properly before you get one!"