Dearest Bryce:

This is among the stupidest fucking things I have ever read. You should be ashamed for having written it, and if your parents are still alive you should apologize to them. You should also be questioning all of the life choices that led you to the moment where you wrote that nonsense and hit publish. And no one gives a…

Pregnancy is the natural condition of woman. Pain in childbirth is our punishment for being descendants of Eve. Women who die in childbirth fail at the one thing women exist to do, so why bother trying to keep them around? (My attempt to guess at the inner logic of people who want to criminalize abortion)

Hey...bro...I vote on the issues.

Senator Cruz does a haunting rendition of “Rose’s Turn” from Gypsy.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKLAHOMA where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain...

Congratulations, you have successfully identified the rhetorical device known as parody. You win one free lorazepam.

Yes, what if indeed?

The alternative is to give tax money to “Broad-Spectrum Health Clinics” — centers that are so great because they help women but they also help children and men.

I just now got a robocall from Carly Fiorina offering to mail me a petition to get a measure on the ballot that prevents minors from receiving abortions in California without a parent/guardian signature. The recording started with: “Did you know that a 13 year old girl in California can get an abortion without her…

It fascinates me how people can be opposed to abortion, and also opposed to every measure that effectively reduces abortions.

“I am only one but WE ARE MANY!!!!!!!”

Poor Kim Davis. It’s HARD to face consequences for using your highly paid government job to oppress people you hate!

Dear Tony Perkins: Mariam Ibraheem was being persecuted for her faith. Kim Davis is a bigoted wench who was jailed for not following a court order. She’s also refusing to do her damn job. See the difference?

Honey. You’re not Rosa Parks. You’re George Wallace.

Now why in the hell would you want to go and do a thing like that?

Seriously. I don't understand how it's so hard at other places.

It’s a long list:

Obligatory comment about the cover photo: Are those cherry tomatoes or oversized marbles? Tomatoes have no business being that shiny.

Fun Fact: There actually is a restaurant in eastern Pennsylvania name “The Cock and Bull”. I don't think there was any written rule that you had to be well endowed to work there, but I like to think that's why I was hired.