I made it through about 10 minutes of the first episode. It had all the writing prowess of “2 Broke Girls”.

[BEGIN TITLE CARD]

Don’t worry Danny, it’s all part of Xenu’s plan.

Of course he’s happy. Slow and stupid won the race.

If I didn’t hate him so much, I’d feel sorry for him. Because there really is no way out. Claiming health problems makes him look weak. Quitting for any other reason just makes him look like a loser, and we know what he thinks of losers. I think towards the end of the campaign he was really getting excited about …

As Paul Ryan spoke of the inauguration, Donald’s mind raced. This is what he wanted, right? All those months ago, he was so certain. Standing in the curiosities shop in the sweltering June heat, he knew he wanted to be President. He was certain of it when he made that wish, Monkey’s Paw in hand.

And now he is being surrounded by politicians, ugly, old politicians rather than young teen and 20-something ladies in revealing pageant wear. Capitol Hill where a 45 year old is considered “a baby”. This is hell for him. Just hell.

I hope he hates every f-ing minute of it and that his hair falls out.

He has admitted that he doesn’t like to read, and now he has to read stacks of reports on EVERYTHING. Reports are boring as fuck, I know, I’ve written plenty of them. He will have to spend days in meetings being debriefed on things so boring that you want to stab yourself in the eye, and he’ll have to learn and…

Somewhere, you know Karl Rove is giggling like a little girl, too. Which pisses me off.

One of his many biographers stated that he gets paralyzed with anxiety in private and spends most nights watching TV alone with a bag of candy.

The good news is that Trump is calmer, nicer, and makes better decisions when he’s unhappy.

Throughout the campaign, Trump flew back to NYC nearly every single night because he can’t stand sleeping away from Trump Tower. Now he’s got to spend four years in Washington. He hates this.

Regarding your last sentence, Donald Trump is now the only thing standing between Mike Pence and a Republican majority. We are now relying on Donald fucking Trump to moderate these people.

Yup, no hanging out at the golf course and pretending to know how to golf or busting down the door to pageant dressing rooms or pussy grabbing or any of that fun stuff. I CSpan to show him at one of those five hour budget meetings and see whatever is left of his soul leave his body.

He’s not even going to be allowed to use a fully-functioning cell phone. He’s going to lose his goddamn mind.

I really don’t think he’ll do it for four years. After six months, he’ll walk away and let Pence turn America into Salem circa 1693.

His #1 priority right now is trying to get the Inaugural Ball on a Trump Property so he can make some coin off of it.

This honestly makes me feel so much better for some reason. I assumed that he didn’t actually want the job, but this is as good as proof. Knowing he’ll be as miserable as we all will is some kind of vindication. Also, if he decided to just leave and disappear forever that would be great.

Throughout the campaign, Trump flew back to NYC nearly every single night because he can’t stand sleeping away from Trump Tower. Now he’s got to spend four years in Washington. He hates this.