I think the most impressive part was when they went into a 4g inverted dive. I’d tell you more but it’s classified. I’d have to kill you.

The lesson being if you want your kid to get a bunch of cool shit, tell some shithead next to you to be a complete asshole and you’ll make it worth his/her while.

I made it through my childhood

THIS!

“You probably don’t ride, so you don’t understand the unquenchable urge that riding gives you to act like an entitled dickhead on the road.”

a) You probably don’t ride. Believe me, there are plenty of places that are unsafe for a car to pass where it’s no problem for a bike (either due to the bike being able to do the pass or simply because of things like better sightlines due to lane positioning etc). So it comes down to The Law vs. common sense, being…

“It’s important to keep every workplace drug-free. You don’t want people on drugs running the fryer at McDonalds.”

So you’re going to vote for an old Communist or a boring liar? Who’s the crazy one?

Challenge: This is the most liberal site I’ve read (yes, even worse than the Huffington Post). If Deadspin releases an article dissing the Democratic ticket, then I will post a video of myself running naked across a tennis court.

I rarely say this about people. But she deserves all the bad karma that is heading her way right now. That video was so mean and vicious, it actually made me cry. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. And like so many women with the disease, I struggle with my weight. It’s like I woke up in a different body. I went from…

Umm, are you kidding me right now? This IS assault. There’s nothing to be overly dramatic about. There’s nothing to be any dramatic about. Plain and simple, it’s assault. Any violent play in football that is not an established part of the game is assault. You swing a baseball bat at someone during a baseball game, and…

You're going to brag about having an iPhone when you literally have a fucking TIME MACHINE??

34...that means you are due for the 2-day hangover soon.

I am going to keep this one short and sweet.

Men just don’t care, luckily.

Yeah, I don’t run to HR to cry sexual harrassment when women in my offfice talk about how muscular some dude is.

They were talking amongst themselves, there wasn’t supposed to be anyone else around. I talk like this at work sometimes. My female colleagues talk like this at work sometimes. Most people talk like this sometimes. It’s only an issue if you make it an issue.

Want a medal? It’s your job. Stop complaining.