"Eventually the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts."
"So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost"

Strange noises, broken glass, and moving furniture represent only a small fraction of things I already deal with as a bartender.

I love Volcano if only for the fact that it takes place in a world where no one outside of geologists has ever heard of a volcano before. I just sit back and imagine other movies taking this route and it gives me the giggles.
-"Oklahoma is being ravaged by a *looks at notes* tor-NAY-do. That stuff all around it is…

That's all I can think to, which actually makes him worse. A fame whore willing to throw ideals out the window for the (very)slight promise of a lucrative comedy pundit career is way worse than a compassionate guy capable of being a decent human being but is just triggered by a nation hating a man for being an…

Well she did suggest methods of suicide. By not reporting what he was doing she was helping him hide it. And the last sentence again shows your lack of understanding about suicidal depression.

I feel like I'm noticing a lot more trolls/idiots (or at least suffering from an astounding lack of self-awareness) trying to put on a "person of balance and reason" facade before immediately spouting something ideological.

"There is no right and wrong, it's just ideas"

Glad to see you got the History of Matt down, maybe try the history of government and bureaucracy and see if you can't form a more nuanced opinion.

Just like no one can force you to murder, but if you aid in it you're still an accomplice. There were numerous times the kid showed he was scared, having second thoughts, and at one point stopped killing himself. She repeatedly and consistently goaded a severely depressed kid to kill himself.

Okay, I'd have to see a video of him singing "Drug You," two forms of
government ID, a police officer there to verify the whole thing, four or
five of my buddies and Neal taking notes, and Cosby's grandma to
confirm his identity.

John Laurens VIII, is that you? Oh you said grandmother, in that case I don't believe you.

Speaking to her track record: she's done all of those things in interviews before, unfortunately it was a hard line stance on "Santa and Jesus are white."

I can't wait to see Glenn Close performing the hell out of the "show your cock" speech.

I read the short story and the nephew works at a place called "Joysticks" that sounds like a male version of Hooters only with more overt stripper tendencies and an airplane theme.

Look, we don't care if people have sex for money, we just need to see it, on film, for close examination.

I love the strip where his dad explains the sun is the size of quarter and lands in Flagstaff every night.
It ends with Calvin going "I hope I'm as smart as Dad someday" and his mom is just "Why, what did he tell you now."

What was that oddly sexually aggressive song about eating healthy? I think it was supposed to be subversive or something, but it was just weird, and not in the "this is so weird, I love it" way.

And some of us are just too baked to find the wireless mouse that is literally in my hand.

Thank you!

I applied for TI, I don't want to lose you guys!