This is the mother of all “well actuallys.”

Well, you see, the President is the Chief Executive. That means he is the one who sets policy

On the surface he’s actually looking eerily like a nutria.

At work I like to label spindles of blank CDs The Best of the Doors.

millions of people knowing your name

Attendees were promised three days of luxury and performances by Blink-182

Fuck that; conservatives are destroying our PRESENT.

The only bland Eno I’m interested in is Music for Airports.

Passive resistance is for idiots. Got it.

The Four Horsemen “broke” Dusty Rhodes’ arm in the parking lot of a TV studio in 1986.

If you read the ruling you will see that the witnesses argues that they could be found in contempt of court for discussing details of the case with their families, therapists, or law enforcement officials. This is way beyond the acceptable scope of a gag order to preserve a jury pool. The case law the judge cited…

But the private middlemen own the politicians.

Poop emoji +sandwich emoji is going to be my new catch phrase.

Anyone who has every been on Deadspin during normal business hours on a weekday knows that this “productivity loss” is bullshit because the average sports jerkoff only works 30 -40 minutes a day anyhow.

I often wonder what would have happened if Jones hadn’t gone up to heavyweight to fight Ruiz. Something about that weight gain and following cut seemed to break his body permanently. And that was a terrible price to pay to beat a middling, plodding heavyweight who fought some of the ugliest, most boring fights I can…

Why can’t he be more like his brother International Diplomacy Machine?

What about that thing where you shit yourself a little but it doesn’t get on your underwear so you can go in the bathroom at work and clean it up with paper towels and then hide the paper towels at the bottom of the trash can because the plumbing is too old to flush them and then you hope no one finds the paper towels…

Yeah, but can losing a child or a spouse really compare to the agony of seeing a ‘47 Plymouth with significant body rust get destroyed?

Maybe this will be the tipping point that it takes to get people to take notice of the tragedy in Syria. I mean, thirty rusty hoopties got destroyed? Why aren’t we doing something? How can we let this happen?

Really good wives. The best wives.