Important safety tip, thanks Egon. 

It's not sheet laziness, I just think my bedding can wait a couple days to be washed. 

I, too, masturbate as part of my creative process. And as a part of my daily routine to prevent prostate cancer. And because I’m bored. And because it’s super fun. And because I don’t have to get up for another twenty minutes, so why not?

I have one of those deals with my wife, but instead of Christopher Nolan it’s any woman I find attractive. I should also note my wife hasn’t actually agreed to this arrangement. 

Spare me the detials. 

So...millions. 

No, that guy could fuck me up. He’s terrifying. If, say, Jonah Hill threatened me I’d just laugh, but Ron Perlman? That shit would get real fast.

Like heroin, only less good 

Well, when your main coping skill is just to blame The Other (whether it be Democrats, immigrants, foreigners, etc) and it’s worked wonders for over 40 years, why change now? 

The judge then instructed the defendant that he could not, in fact, be "spanked until his ass cheeks were raw,” and that any punitive actions would be determined at the (potential, yet utterly inevitable and deserved) sentencing phase. 

Other “big flirts” in history:

I wasn’t glad. I was indifferent. 

Well, we know which side people who vote Republican are rooting for. 

Christ, what an asshole. A walking testament to the need for unions. 

You know, there was a time when we’d take a guy like you in the back and beat you with a hose. Now you’ve got your goddamned unions.

Imagine being a Hollywood star. This gives you a decided advantage in the dating/casual sex game. So naturally, you hit on and try to have sex with...minors? Setting aside the moral, ethical, and legal issues—if you can summon up the will to do so—why would anyone do such a thing? What possible benefit is there? 

Damn, the end of the episode was...brutal. Just ugly, senseless violence. Kind of chilling, honestly. 

I’m not sure if any therapist, good or bad, would say that trying to gain revenge on your ex is good for your mental health. Especially doing so in an extremely public manner. 

Short of revenge porn, which is illegal. And stalking. And like a million other things one shouldn’t do, illegal and otherwise.