Itchy? 

So wait one second. You’re trying to offer a decent explanation as to why I’m experiencing dissonance between my take and other people’s...by suggesting that I’m not the target audience and therefore don’t have a leg to stand on in criticizing this movie? Maybe I’m wrong saying that, but what does “you’re not the…

It’s hard for me to respond on my phone, on a playground with a weird lack of internet access (here with my kid, not a weirdo). So assuming you want to have an actual conversation and are not just gatekeeping, I’ll respond when I’m not on this radioactive rock that inhibits internet signals.

Oh for fuck’s sake. Here we go. I’m white—or so you assume—and therefore not the target audience. Right. End of discussion. No one can truly rate a Black movie with any degree of accuracy except for... Blacks?

Yeah. I mean, I get it. I’m not saying people are dumb for liking the movie, but I truly don’t know how people walked out of BP1 thinking “wow, what a masterpiece.” I don’t even think it was meant to BE a masterpiece.

Don’t kink shame my kink, which is, ironically, kink shaming itself. It’s super hot.

Get out your potholders...

I’ll never understand the whole idea of a foot fetish. Oh, excuse me, my wife is almost free of her ropes. 

If only the Santa Clarita Diet estate had seen past Netflix's lies. 

Anne Frank fashioning a mecha suit at a concentration camp and brutally killing all the Nazi guards might be a tad tasteless, but tell me you're not begging for more. 

Hey, when you need your blue Sam Worthington fix, you need your blue Sam Worthington fix. Besides, you can only see Don’t Worry Darling so many times. 

It won’t underperform. For some strange reason I cannot begin to comprehend, people actually want to be bored out of their skulls by a theatrical "spectacle” starring a lead actor with all the charisma of a houseplant.

I’m gonna go ahead and say some movies are about story and character (as opposed to pure spectacle). Generally, we call these "good" movies. 

The antonym of stoked. 

Sometimes I feel like in the original timeline, Avatar sucked like I know it did and everyone ignored it after its initial release. But apparently, James Cameron has sent his nefarious agents back in time to 2009 and made the movie a massive critical success that people like, defend and want to see more of. I liked…

I find myself pondering this: do gay people just call gay sex “sex” or do they add the gay adjective beforehand?

Ma ma ma my my my my my woo! Ma ma ma my Policeman! 

Bale is/was always a dick. Professionally. Personally, guy is a peach. 

What a missed opportunity not to reunite Michael Imperioli and Drea de Matteo.

“Your tongue cannot repel flavor of this magnitude!"