All I’m sayin’ yo.

Better response: “Moving forward, the Philadelphia 76ers will no longer play the national anthem before games because there is literally no reason for it to be played.”

I can not say it enough, these male legislators know so little about basic human biology I’m shocked that they remember to breathe and eat.

I made the light wall from Stranger Things - It’s programmable so I can type any message into it.

But honestly Rom, fuck Janice, right?

The highlight, right click, “Search Google for ____” move was made for moments like this.

(I walk on stage at a press conference after another long day at the office)

“Oh, I didn’t see you there while I was doing all these pushups”

“...there is a dark, Baylessian part of my brain that lit up with thoughts like, ‘Holy shit, I don’t think Kevin Durant can handle this!’”

The URL to the press release is “https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/ivanka-trump-headline-worthy-opening-line.” More great work from the Trump web development team.

“first double-aumputee Congressperson.”

She is really an amazing person and deserves all the credit for her service to this country.

Not to take anything at all from Tammy Duckworth (she is amazing), but I should point out that Max Cleland served in the Senate as a veteran who lost both legs and an arm in combat. He was defeated by a Republican who had never served, yet won by questioning Cleland’s patriotism.

Guys, Trump is an aberration and doesn’t represent the values of the Republican Party.

So, just so we are clear here is a quick summary of Tammy Duckworth’s life:

But seriously - if you have an opportunity to insult a decorated war veteran you have to take it, right?

You should get mad about it on the internet.

The hotel tax was a brilliant angle. Let the locals have no skin in the game either so the man on the street (or my cabbie who i asked on my last trip) will rationalize it as a no loss situation for the public. Yet hmm, if you can get free funds of that amount, SURELY there must be other civic projects that could use…

Fortunately for my kids—and for my fine china-delicate peace of mind, believe you me—Vin, our mailman, the best Highlights delivery machine imaginable, recovered from his recent bout with lockjaw. Of course, there’s no bringing Li’l Cujo–who knew a name could spell out one’s fate so precisely? –back from the…