Mongolian Beef

It’s certainly operating in the red.

so you’re saying that Holmes’s blood business isn’t liquid?

honestly becoming a billionaire on the back of absolutely nothing and stealing money from Silicon Valley dumb dumbs is sort of my dream so YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE LIZZIE HOLMES

I’m going to be THAT GUY FROM TEXAS here. The only acceptable BBQ sides are:

I know how he feels. Smoking pot is likely what has kept me from getting drafted the past 5 years

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes

Has there ever been a single case of a transgender person attempting to molest a child in a restroom? I’d be more worried about my kids spending time alone with a Republican wrestling coach.

“Never loan anybody your pickup truck.” is a lesson that needs to be burned into the brains of anyone who buys a pickup. Just by it’s nature, anybody who wants to use your truck is not asking for it because they need to transport a cardboard box filled with lace dollies. They’re going to beat that thing like a rented…

Hearing about the way her parents raised their children makes me very sad.

How’d it go?? It went terrible! They did the Holocaust!!

Women’s soccer and women’s tennis are every bit as good as the men’s game.

Except Ferrari guy. In the midst of all this evil-minded douchebaggery, Ferrari guy seems cheerful and benign.

It takes a special kind of idiot to elevate an artificial caramel based beverage into an aggravated assault case.

I was in a Starbucks yesterday and a gaggle of teenage girls, (I feel like gaggle isn’t right for teenage girls. A flock? A murder? A murder.) a murder of teenage girls came in behind me. As I finished my order, the barista (who was a treasure of a human being and recommended a kick-ass fruit sauce for baked brie)…

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

*Looks at Poulter’s picture*

I don’t possess CSI enhance tech either, but I do have CSI delusions: Those ears have similar features, and ears might be even more accurate for ID than fingerprints.