he’d be the resulting product “if Ed Hardy fucked a juggalo.”

...I was like, “why would she be showering with turtles?!”

Haha it took me a minute to interpret what you meant. Show ....er, not “shower” like where you bathe yourself...

While watching the reports of the carnage developing in Paris tonight, the tears, they would not stop. My haircut was also not good, but I rose above that.

Oh dear, I hope Kate doesn’t hurt her delicate hands from all that pearl-clutching.

I don’t know for sure, but I think she was talking about a movie where a vehicle had to maintain a certain speed. If it didn’t keep up that speed, the vehicle would explode. So the speed of the vehicle was the important plot point. I believe it was called “The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.”

Dear Melissa McCarthy:

Fuck Cecily Strong. Remember this train wreck? While it poked fun at MRA’s (which was great) Cecily breaks out this tired Latin stereotypical character. One step forward two steps back.

Look at her hair. No, it isn’t.

So she went as a Kardashian?

G is for Gin, and falling down stairs