Too rich for the White House, eh? Some man of the people he is.

This is clearly a false flag operation to make you all stop using your parents' HBO Go account. Follow the money.

So…everyone got it out of their respective systems yet?

From the way her face contorts, she's clearly rejecting the programming but the technicials are working to fix this with future updates.

Dibs on exclusive rights to Hologram Tupac Matrix Reboot! I said it first and you all saw me say it first.

I used to think the claims of dementia was just Reagan era partisan throwback pettiness. But now I can't help but feel we're months away from Kellyanne Conway feigning exasperation and saying "Of course the President said a Puerto Rican nurse named Hillary is stealing his money and putting urine soaked diapers he…

Nice try, Steve Bannon, but a lifetime ban is a lifetime ban.

Done and done.

Well, I normally don't say this but I do want to make a good impression to LEMME AT THEM BROADS!

Sorry to interrupt your game of butt darts, ladies!

Are you asking me to not say that? Or definitely do say that? I can do both.

A qualified applicant will have proven skills in international diplomacy, planning, and, of course, “planetary protection.”

Billion dollar idea with the rings and capes though.

When someone from your high school reunion says "Oh my God! You haven't changed one bit since high school!" and definitely doesn't mean it as a compliment.

What's it like having a half eaten caesar salad wrap for a dick?

Plus they leaked Season 2 of Fancy Boy!

*DOLBY LOGO*

Seeso disclosed they were the victims of a major hack today, much to their excitement.

Once I told someone studying for their citizenship test "you probably know more about this country than most natural born citizens by now." She laughed good naturedly like I was just saying that to be nice.

"Well, at least I can suck my own dick. Allegedly."