"Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard. Yadda yadda yadda, the dog fucked her. OHHHHHHHHH!"

What's it like having a sour cream and chive potato chip for a dick?

…what the hell are you rambling about?

Trump clearly favors the Frank approach. "Oops! I dropped my…monster condom for my magnum dong!"

Corn harvest.

Is "It's everyday bro!!" his catchphrase? And is the lack of a comma on purpose?

Don't sell yourself short. This is Looper we're talking about.

Guess I better cool it on the 15 minute bathroom breaks until I come up with another plan.

I used to think Libertarians may have been onto something. Then I learned about griefing in video games.

It was less surprise, more of a collective eye roll at President Pee Paw at it again.

Of course there's cocaine. That's not the point of the story.

No old rich guy starts a story about how his friend bought a boat that doesn't end with how much pussy that guy is getting. The only way it doesn't end that way is when he doesn't want someone within earshot hearing him brag about how much ass his friend is getting. Then the story ends with "you get the idea" or "he…

They voted for him. He became President. Then he came to their Jamboree and told them all about how much pussy his friend is crushing since he bought a boat.

Yes, that's the real culprit here: poor parenting.

So just the usual stuff when he closes his eyes.

"When you're older, I'll tell you all about Johnny Deeper."

That's not the same and you know it.

Sure, it's not a dramatic arc like turning into a cyborg or straight up fucking dying. But everyone will always remember the time Superman decided to grow a mustache just to see how it looked and wore it for a week or two before deciding it wasn't really him.

I love the idea of Superman just deciding to grow a mustache. Why did the comics miss such a golden opportunity?

There comes a watershed moment in every young boy's life where a 70 year old man tells you about how much pussy his friend is crushing since he bought a boat.