It only took 1 Watt.

Would you say that's a 100 million Watt lightbulb that went off in their head?

Shaw will continue to be allowed to attend his classes. However, his teachers have become concerned that maybe his dog didn't really eat all of his homework this semester.

No one in Canada gives a fuck about Burger King either. But small town Canada will start a god damn war if Tim Horton's changes in any noticeable way.

Hey, look, all I know is that between the McDonalds and Burger King in my town, Burger King burgers only give me regret, while McDonalds burgers give me regret, plus green (possibly radioactive) spiky deathshits for the rest of the day. If I need to start paying for my whoppers in beaver skins or Euros or whatever…

I went to college at Northwestern, and less than a minute walk from campus is the world's top-grossing Burger King. I had to go there one day during my first week of classes on the way to some meeting because it was on the way and I didn't have time to get lunch anywhere else. The place was empty. I made it a point to…

Isn't this normal attire for Green Bay?

But it also means we are close to the Vikings.

Their backup QB looks like fucking Naruto.

Wait, one of the people pictured in that Ray Rice jersey picture is NOT a woman?

I guess you could say they wanted to give some spark to their prom night.

Who the fuck flies to prom in a helicopter?

Office supplies? Do interns count?

Does it come with a special tool for extracting and discarding the vanilla?

You've become power drunk and I will not stand idle any longer. If there is one thing in this world that is stable, it is vanilla ice cream. You will never be disappointed with it. It is the girl that you fall back on when you've been hurt too many times by the crazy ones. It is the ice cream that you marry. The…

You wouldn't think a person could be so wrong in a list of just three flavors, but here we are.

I don't know what this means, but I'm gonna assume that it's a reference to my dashing good looks.

Of the $753.8 million made by Jell-O in the past year, $753.7 million of that was used to engulf various office supplies.

Someday, society will have no more room for Jell-O.

Since moving to Oregon, I spend all of football season simply dreading the day Oregon wins a national title. Their fans are horrible. They act like they've been robbed of every title for the past five years and yet also seem to have never watched a game of football in their lives.