She should have just told him "I'm a very important person, I sell monogrammed coffee thermoses."

Unfortunately. The older I get the later I want "old age" to officially start.

Another thought: you probably have a higher risk rate with the general guest population at the parks than the park employees!

But, you know, if I'm flopping onto a haystack I don't want to think there are ANY needles inside. Especially not if the needles are coated in poison.

CNN's findings are enough to make you view the whole place askance

The numbers reported by CNN represent one one-hundredth of one percent of the 300,000 people we have employed during this time period.

As a parent of 2 non-American kids who has just spent a lot of time in the US I have to say I disagree. I think the biggest issues are the following:

I always snicker when I see "kids are people" as if it's something that's supposed to change my mind. I don't let other people bite me, throw things at me or on my floors, or act as if I should cave to their every whim— all of which I have seen kids do when they are well past the age when that behavior is expected.

I dunno about you, but when I was a toddler I was working and buying my own oreos.

In every other relationship we endeavor we are told to go out of our way to please the other person — marriages and friendships are defined by how generous and caring we aim to be.

"What kind of bullshit personality test are you?"

circumcision is when a dick is filed down into a point, yes.

Humblebrag Level: Infinity x100000000000000000000

Well. I mean sure, but if you post it on instagram you're not just trying to amuse your daughter.

Sounds like someone could use an hour in the Ball Pit.

I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high

I assumed that Kim Kardashian meant that if you leave the house as a pregnant woman and dare to have any pregnancy style whatsoever that someone will pick you to pieces.

As long as you cite the gifs, I'm good with it.

I am an illustrator (not saying I'm a great artist or anything, but I can make a living at it) and I agree with you. Just a few small tweaks (such as using varying drops of blood or making a different eye black, or putting bruises elsewhere...just different injuries, period), would have made a huge difference in the…