The existence of absurd bourgeois nonsense such as Birkin bags is tacky and offensive; defacing them is not.

Don't feel bad, Kim. Based on the state of my back, Kanye has been controlling /neglecting me, too.

We bought a new car recently and rec'd a catalog not long after. This was the best, most pretentious, worst item in the catalog. As you can guess, that's saying a lot. Preeeeeeeeemium lacquer, to be sure. ($24 per bottle)

This is like "redacted government document on a show on The History Channel about conspiracy theories" font.

clearly, you just never knew how to properly shop at Abercrombie/Hollister.

Call me a prude, but I never ever want my mother's naked bosom pushing against my back.

When I first began dating my boyfriend, I directed a production of the Vagina Monologues. He came with me to see it one night, without me having to beg him. He said it was a great show. When we got home, he asked me if I had ever seen my vagina. I said yeah, kind of, but not up-close. He found a hand mirror and…

It depends on the designer. A Balenciaga vagina would be sleek and trendy. A De La Renta vagina is timeless and classic. A Betsey Johnson vagina says "hey, I like to party". And a Chanel vagina says nothing. It just smokes cigarettes and judges penises for being too fat.

Eh, I can imagine HS kids being pretty cavalier about paperwork, and parents just saying, "Fuck it, I'm filling this out and sending it in because it's over due and he's not living at home. Have fun in the straight-edge dorm, Junior."

"Some images from said uplifting montage include: Blake Lively shaking her hair a bit in a car, a cook book, a woman painting the words "Amaze Balls" in glitter atop an impressionistic landscape, a dog with one eye licking its chops, some girl wearing a tattered American flag as a cloak running through a rainstorm."

"Here at Preserve we believe that everyone has a story, but some of those stories are gross and sad and nobody wants to read about them."

bottom left

Fair haired. It's not commonly used as a descriptor these days so hearing/reading it at the same time was a little freaky.

White-blond.

wow, nice to see that wallflower, Gloria Allred finally getting some air/airtime .

"UConn will admit no wrongdoing and the plaintiffs will agree to shut up."

Not every job deserves a living wage.

Seriously, just about anyone can slap together burgers at a Burger King. It's not exactly a position that needs any specialized skills. Nor is it a position anyone intends to make a career out of. You do it for a while until you find something better. If that example sounds…

SUE HIM HE DID A THING

Omg. Right?!?! Where the hell did my sweet (read: picky, whiny, destructive, non-sleeping) baby go?! I'll take that kid any day over this giant, never-fucking-stops-eating-my-damn-groceries, fungal-smelling, lazy, emotionally volatile man-child. That "terrible two" shit was a breeze. The struggle is real.

One of my half-sisters is one of those super moms. All three kids were born totally natural, no drugs, and the middle and baby were born at HOME. She breastfed until they could eat solid foods. They are always in bed by 8, will eat whatever they are served with no fusses, and say things like, "Yes ma'am I love my…