Since science hasn’t proved or disproved the existence of souls, no one can say if anyone has or doesn’t have one. Right now it’s a matter of faith. If souls do in fact exist, they should be made of familiar things, or, things that will one day be familiar to us, and should therefor be measurable and observable. As…

I’M A FEMINIST. Phew, that feels good getting that off my chest.

I was dumbing it down to certain people’s level despite my fear of heights.

Yeah, well, Scooby-Doo can doodoo, but Jimmy Carter is smarter.

You wouldn’t understand. Just eat your Cheerios.

You’re right though, some men just can’t get enough pie. The gluttons.

Trust me, men aren’t better. And neither are women. I don’t think about men and women as us>them. We have flaws, women have flaws. Women have their strengths, so do we. We’re the same damn species. Don’t know where you got that from. Ying/Yang, and all that.

Scranton’s where it’s at. The Electric City. Great land for beet farms too. High rates of yeast infections though...

Is that Charlie Murphy from True Hollywood Stories: Prince?

Women’s rights, men’s rights... I’ll settle for the same rights for everyone. Y’know, real equality.

I have the perfect title for his next special, if he ever gets to make one:

Has anyone said “Good grief” yet?

That would make my day, hearing that. Unlike those weirdos who say BAG-els. Ugh, I hate that.

Ten? Why not 100? One per penny?

I think Nintendo’s target audience is mostly adults now.

Don’t be an idiot and pay money to go see the inevitable Candy Crush movie. You’ll only bring shame to yourself.

Nightmares. They’re made of this.

And marketshare, don’t forget marketshare.

As long as they don’t do things like change the location of which button sends you back, such as the circle button on the PS, to a trigger or make you lick it or something stupid. Some things like that should be universal.

Is it D-Angelo, or Dangelo? What’s the origin of this name?