I want Joe Biden to be my dad and give me inspiring talks straight out of a '90s family sitcom.

This is why Joe Biden is my fantasy internet boyfriend. He gets so much shit for gaffes when 99% of the time, he's the smartest and most compelling guy in the room. Of course he would say this. Of course. I love him so much.

I still can't believe that either. What's up with those people?

I have tears in my eyes and I don't know what to say. Thank you for teaching me that I can say what the fuck is exactly on my mind. Thank you for standing up for every woman who has ever been run off the Internet. Thank you for showing me how to give exactly zero fucks, no matter what hateful, hurtful things they try…

"If anyone wants to hear me trash talk about this woman, come to my business. We can talk in the rape room!"

I wish I could get this kid together with my 6 year old. Their conversations would be hilarious. Tonight I warned him to walk around a hole so he doesn't trip and he tells me "I know that hole. I've been in that hole." like it was a story from Vietnam or something. 5 and 6 year olds are just the best.

Blue Ivy be all, "I woke up like this."

Hey, there's no need to be so fucking classist. These aren't "tuxedo cats"; they're just dressed reasonably: it's after five, and they're not farmers.

Except that it is her profession and she is not ashamed of it at all. Why should we instill that shame on her by saying "Oh we won't mention what you do for a living." If she were a doctor, lawyer, etc. would you say something like that? Do you recognize that telling people they should omit that is basically an…