You Americans and your insistence than pies are sweets. A pie should be solidly savoury, preferably filled with offcut meat and gravy.

My grandpa always said, "There's only 2 good kinds of pie. Hot & cold".

The Sarah Hyland item is so scary. When an employee at a rehab center calls and tells you to get a restraining order, there must have been some seriously fucked shit happening. I hope she stays safe.

Eat me.

Blasphemer! Thou shalt not take the name of Fruit Pie in vain. The Church of Pie teaches that all cream and nut pies shall rot in the trashbin of Hell forever.

The first rule of Pie Club is you do not talk about Pie Club. The second rule of Pie Club is we tend to be good on fruit, so maybe consider bringing a nice coconut cream or Pecan next time.

It was the summer after 8th grade I think. I had a bunch of friends who were extras.

What's going to come out later is that Puppet Gurl is actually moving Miss Muppet America's mouth.

DUDE. Can I just brag to you guys about my baby sister for a quick second? She speaks four languages fluently, has a higher GPA than this chick, volunteered for Planned Parenthood's Teen Council in high school, and wouldn't be caught dead joining a sorority or competing in a beauty pageant. This is made all the more…

Yeah, as horrific as the allegations are, that paragraph shouldn't have been included in the article unless those were things Alpha Phi sisters did.

Fact: she wakes up at 4:35 to hold up the sun and assist with its rise.

Fact: in her spare time she lounges on a pillar clad in only a resplendent toga for all to bask in her glory.

Hey body is pretty much the perfection of all fucking gods. Fucking sublime, sublime.

I'm jealous of anybody who can jump rope. I am terrible at it. I'm worse at hula hooping, but still.

FUCK YEAH

Fuck that. You're right that society has a domestic violence problem. But the NFL also uniquely has a domestic violence problem because of the highly public implicit claims it makes about how much domestic violence matters. This has been brought up ad nauseum, but when Josh Gordon gets 16 games for smoking weed while…

I want my boyfriend to jump out of an airplane, and parachute down to a jet ski and make his way toward the beach, before he reaches though, he will jump off and land on a surfboard and surf in and somersault onto the beach and land in the on-one-knee position in front of me and then ask me to marry him. He agreed to…

Secret option number 5: we had discussions about it and I said that I was not particularly interested in a proposal or a ring, but it was important to him, which is fine. However, he procrastinated so much that I eventually proposed with a pocketwatch that bore a pointed inscription about timeliness on the back. We…

Welcome to Kinja, Mr. Goodell.