He and his idol Ayn Rand have lots in common! Like that time they both utilized “government handouts” to prevent themselves and their families from going into poverty.

We were at a drive-in movie and they kept running back and forth from the car like, “So you have to be a lawyer before you can be a judge? And then you can decide what’s fair? Oh!” *runs off dancing into the night*

Managing to maintain a good head of hair in your 60s+ (for women or men) is a secret sauce that can forgive a whole lot of other sins.

Trump may call protesters “bad dudes”, but he’s protecting his thugs, including (from The Guardian)

You KNOW Tyra just wants to both host and compete. I’m rooting for her.

When I was a kid, I asked my mom what a good April fools prank would be. She told me to go up to my teacher and say “hey mrs.wilson, what happened to your car?!”

Trump voters were, by and large, uneducated, but they weren’t poor. Clinton won low income voters. Trump won voters who are affluent but think they are poor because they don’t have all the money.

The more pictures I see of Ivanka and Jared, the more they look like a pair of Bond villains.

That is hilarious and pretty harmless.

My ex used to work as a security guard at an oil refinery. One day (I don’t even think it was April 1) he called in a fake bomb threat as a joke.

It was the first the first sign of many that I shouldn’t be married to the person. He was clueless as to why I was so, so, so pissed off about it.

As a fellow teacher, FUCK THAT GUY. You should’ve reminded Ian that’s there’s NO App to fix his face, unfortunately. Then failed him. THEN played “Gangsta’s Paradise” while smoking and sitting incorrectly in your chair.

I knew a kid who would just say, “You dropped your pocket.” That doesn’t even make sense, but it made me look every time!

I called my mom from a friend’s house post-sleepover (pre-cellphones). She asked where I was and I said, “um well I’m in jail, we got arrested last night.” I waited a few beats for her to scoff and say, no really, where are you? But the joke was on me because she just sighed and said, “Oh molarplexus, what is it you…

And those jobs only pay that much because, in the case of coal miners, labor organizers died for a fair wage. And safety protections. If it was up to coal companies the miners would make minimum wage just like the retail cashiers.

Some women can orgasm without direct stimulation on the clit.

I have!

I mean, that depends on you and what you like in the bedroom. I know women whose panties would’ve been flooded after reading that. I also know women that would never talk to him again after reading that. He should’ve figured that out before going there. The fact that he didn’t is a little concerning. Follow your…

Because the conservatives want a permanent uneducated work force fighting for subsistence wages not an expanding middle class demanding benefits and conservation of precious resources.

Ugh, I hate how much voters (on both sides IMO) punished Clinton for actually running on a realistic platform (to a large extent) instead of blatant lies that made some voters feel good.