It's one thing to have a virgin grasshopper, daiquiri, etc.

LOL at trying to get skinny jeans off a baby with a loaded shit diaper. Thanks no thanks.

I have sadly frequent occasion to buy my fix from places that have those dispensers of 'flavored' coffees and 'Irish Creme' flavor is routine, but Irish coffee is a whole other thing and this is turning dangerously close to one of those 'defend the dumb patron' posts and i just can't so this was a dumb customer end…

Ugh, some of these employees have so much attitude. If you're unwilling to do things just because they're logically impossible, maybe customer service isn't for you.

totally used that at a football game, we had rum and cider which is the only drink that is somewhat palatable at body temperature. Unfortunately the seal had been compromised when my sister had previously loaded it up with Four Loko and the carbonation caused it to expand and then burst the straw seal.

Your shampoo bottles must be huge.

The situation I'm envisioning involves me having gotten drunk and drank all the baby booze, deciding it's weird to walk around with a fake baby strapped to my chest when it's not filled with liquor and taking it off and putting it somewhere "safe". I will then lose track of that safe place and run around panicking and…

I could see it soothing my baby-having friends... until I started drinking it's sweet head juices.

"Sick, a hot dad who trepanned an infant and is now siphoning cerebrospinal fluid out of the opening, I'll take three Budweisers and a caipirinha for that infant that looks so thirsty."

1. Buy a giant diet coke at 711 or McDonald's or whatever.

What happened to a goddamn water bottle? What is wrong with kids these days...

Also I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what hack means.

Can't forget wine in a soda can.

THESE DO NOT WORK DO NOT BUY THEM

I like "No one messes with your tampons." That's good copy.

at first i was like LOL IM NOT EVEN MAD and then

Just put your bourbon in an empty apple juice bottle LIKE AN ADULT