Just remember everyone, if you play good sports, that greatly increases your social capital and makes it less likely that you’ll be the victim of a serial killer.

You do mean killers, right, and not Hispanic men?

Just remember folks, she’s free because of one thing: She plays sports. If the hostage were, say, Emily Leibert (the author of this article) she’d still be in Russia.

It wasn’t the Congressional Medal of Honor — it was the Presidential Medal of Freedom. I see your argument, actually — like, the backlash may not last for all that long but he’ll be gone forever.

We ‘Murcans sure luvs us some sports.

So is it now ok to admit that this franchise is about fetishizing cruelty and violence, especially towards women?

A lot of, too many, people praised boxer and rapist Mike Tyson for saying “[s]ocial media made y’all way to[o] comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.” (Though those same people often had no problem getting mad at Will Smith!)

As awesome as that last option might be on one level, think of the trouble it’d cause. His followers would commit further violence in his name and suddenly there would be memorials to him in the press that overlook how awful he was and speak only of how he died for speech.

Dear Martin fans: The book, much less the series, will never be finished. Stop hoping. Also the books were never that good to begin with.

This feels like a slam on trans people.

What’s the line from Dracula? “A moment’s courage and it is done.”

Though a nice thought this is not a realistic outcome.

I hope not because this is not a realistic outcome.

People like him don’t do that.

It’s only a hole of any kind if people stop giving him their money. They won’t. Accordingly it’s really just a publicity stunt. Too bad R Kelly didn’t think of this. Front load the crazy politics and leave the illegal sex shit covered up, and he’d still be outside prison walls today.

So you’re just realizing this now, eh?

Kanye West has always been talent-less and his behavior has always been problematic. Full stop.

Nah I just don’t like how, for many years, The Root was trying to run cover for West’s bullshit. I’ve also detected some misogyny from The Root, mostly the commenters but a tad bit the articles as well. Since then I’ve done a little mild trolling. Even though I agree with the vast majority of what appears on The Root.

Am I correct that this post was satirical?

Did you consult The Root before publishing this article?