Mine's Goodnight Moon, but hers has a surprise ending. It's a draw.

Nope. Never been there. Not even there adjacent.

When a hoard of Jezzies descends upon you to tell you how wrong you are (which is quite a lot, btw), you better end up thinking, "I shouldn't have provoked them. I brought this upon myself."

I wasn't sure if that one was a little too tasteless too soon. Fair enough. I'm sorry.

I'm convinced that an anti-PETA activist has infiltrated (under cover) and become the leader of the group to destroy them from the inside. *mostly kidding*

They believe it is their job to punish them, yes. The NFL has a code of conduct in its bylaws, agreed to by the player's union, that permits the commissioner to suspend players who tarnish the league's image with negative behaviors, such as being arrested or generally acting like an asshole.

Spoken like a true Roethlisberger fan.

allow me to be this guy...shut up.

Every now and again I will find a witch hair on my chin that CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. I sprouted a long black hair overnight. I swear.

Ah, the halcyon days of the '90s, when we humans dwelled placidly under the dot-com bubble, foolishly investing all of our money in Beanie Babies and plucking out most of our eyebrow hairs....

Turnabout is fair play, so...

So don't read it then. It wasn't like the article didn't have "Fallon" in the headline and you accidentally clicked on it.

I know! i liked her so much!

Wait...you guys already published an article exactly like this.

This is obviously extremely concerning, but to avoid the total shear panic of readers who might have had "a very common cancer treatment" maybe the name of the treatment should be in the headline. I don't really like to start my mornings by shitting myself.

Wow. Makes me glad that my docs just sliced me right open and took out the whole shebang in one go. Of course, what nearly killed me, and exacerbated my uterine cancer growth, was the mega high dosages of hormones I was prescribed for years by doctors in another state before I finally got decent care. I consider…

I will be undergoing morcellation in a few days.

How about we change the "civilization" "uncivilization" debate and look at this as a fucking reaction to 13 years of U.S. military occupation? For god's sake. We blew that entire region apart and took out Saddam (who's looking like a kitten now) and now look.

Not to be pendantic, but Kate, you might want to change Isis to ISIS (it is an acronym). Otherwise the article reads like an ancient Egyptian goddess has suddenly started making demands.

I'm not sure every atrocity can be rectified by the application of heavy ordinance.