There’s nothing wrong with a flip flop, especially the Havaianas with the thin straps. But don’t get me started on wedge flip flops, or those awful sporty ones men wear that are always too big and basically look like their feet are resting on a giant sponge platform.

They’re, like, the “not washing your legs” of footwear!

My high school wouldn’t let the valedictorian speak, they only let the student body president speak. They said his accomplishments more reflected that of the school than the valedictorian. The difference between the two gentleman was that the student body president was a beautiful tall football player who looked…

and now the school can’t pretend it isn’t happening and might actually have to do something about the (allegedly) drunk teacher.

One of my coaches brought a Playgirl Magazine...that featured his son.

My school’s head Driver’s Ed teacher had multiple OWIs, so he just did the classroom portion. The only class I’ve ever had where the teacher’s desk was at the back of the room. We watched a lot of instructional films, and you’d hear the drawer on his desk open and close constantly. He also owned his own driving…

And what would you suggest she have done, oh mighty expert?

My son’s jazz band teacher had sex with a 14 yo.

Every year when the yearbook came out we raced home to show my father. Not because he was interested in the yearbook but because he liked to read the dedication from the principal, who was barely literate. One year he used some variant of the word “reflect” 27 times in two paragraphs.  “Graduation is a time to…

I never got to attend high school due to medical issues BUT I still had to deal with guidance counselors and district staff AND LET ME TELL YOU, they were so super understaffed. They lost me. MY ENTIRE TRANSCRIPT. Not once, BUT TWICE. They did not have resources to deal with a student who could not go to school AT…

Ultimately this takes away from what should have been a day of celebration for the school and their community.”

First day of freshman year, I showed up for my mandatory meeting with my guidance counselor. I had tried out for the cheer team over the summer, made it, and was wearing my uniform. It was a thing. All the cheerleaders wore them on the first day of school. So Mr. Counselor asked me what my goals were. I said I wanted…

My guidance counselor cost me acceptance to motherfuckin’ Yale. I had a really good GPA, a surprisingly high SAT, and extra curriculars out the wazoo. I applied at a few Kudzu league schools, a few back ups and decided “ what the hell. Send an application on to Yale for shits and giggles”. Somehow my SAT AND ACT scores…

My high school counsellor was also the track coach. I never spoke to him, though I did try once - despite straight A’s and a transcript full of advanced-placement courses, the bureaucrats were telling me that I wouldn’t graduate with my class because I hadn’t taken a typing class. So I scheduled an appointment with…

The valedictorian at my high school graduation put the “dick” in valedictorian. He was a jackass. His speech went on at length saying essentially that none of the rest of us deserved to graduate because we didn’t work for it. I was shocked to be hearing it, and further shocked that some faculty member or administrator…

My bachelors degree had to be reissued because it had the wrong department listed, and to top it off, everything was flush left.

My guidance counselor fed me. I never had enough to eat, and he always had cookies in his office. I’m sure he suggested some colleges and stuff, but I was there for the snacks. Sometimes I would shake up the routine by skipping his office and going to the nurses’ station for a nap.

I remember our valedictorian and salutatorian weren’t known until the graduation ceremony. The speeches were by our student body president (a very well-liked, funny dude who probably gave a great speech and is today either a successful business owner or a drug addict) and the senior class president.

I never “got” my Ph.D. diploma because Florida State University said I owed them $60 after I’d paid them tens of thousands, and I said I’d see them in hell.

I gave a commencement speech at my high school graduation and some idiots inflated a huge beach ball and played with it and the principal had to stop my speech in the middle, yell at the students, and ask me to continue. Back at home at our family party, my evil older brother kept replaying that part of the recording…