Thank you for posting this. Yesterday I laughed my butt off about it and posted to every social media account and...crickets. I thought "Is this not that funny?" Now I feel at least a little vindicated.

Whoa. I Thee Dread recently followed me, so I guess I am out of the grays and have the power to bring others out of the grays. When I just starred your post, it turned from gray to black before my eyes. I feel...bizarrely powerful. Like I am magic. A benevolent magician, solidifying people with magnanimity.

I am not married, not engaged, and not planning on getting engaged anytime soon. I respect everyone's right to a fancy, big wedding, and I can appreciate the decision to not screw that night due to exhaustion. But why be so exhausted in the first place? I know some family members will be disappointed there is no big…

Hahahah, the number of times that I have barged into the room with my partner and said, "Appreciate how good my hair looks/my butt looks in this outfit/my boobs look in this dress/whatever-the-hell." He always does, though. Every time.

Because the second you tell your parents, the wedding is no longer about you: It is about you and your mother and his mother and the weddings they both have wanted to throw since they were little girls.

With two kids and two cats, Febreeze (homemade or otherwise) is a lifesaver, even if just to temporarily eliminate odors when visitors come over. Wish I could just Febreeze the kids and cats directly, but Obama.

I once bought a used truck that, a week after I got it, began to reek of cigarettes. People at work started asking when I started smoking. I tried damn near everything I could dig up on the interwebs, but nothing worked. Then I doused it with Febreeze. Big mistake. Then it reeked of cigarettes and Febreeze. The…

I am so relieved that someone got laid on her wedding! As a naïve unmarried person, I always thought the whole point of a wedding was to be a celebration of "these two people are gonna fuck the shit out of each other later." Mazel tov!!!

the groom getting drunk with his friends and leaving his bride up in the hotel room is a selfish dick. but i don't agree with giving a pass to the dumb bride who can't even eat a plate of food to avoid getting so drunk she spent the night puking. have fun and eat at your own wedding, for fuck's sake! are you afraid…

We did it twice on our wedding night. Is that weird? Once the second we got in the door. (blush) and again after I finished getting the five million bobby pins out of my hair, because I was going to put that white negligee to use, damn it.

Oh God, I have decided to leave this off my site as I can't find a fairytale way of saying

About the Couple: Mark and Kendra are two people who are getting married and they're NOT going to apologize for it! They can feel their friends inwardly rolling their eyes every time they talk about their wedding and guess what? It's going to be traditional, she's going to wear white, they're going to write their own…

Draft 5 wins. Go with it.

Agreed. She means a lot to a lot of people, and she's just all-around awesome. Not to mention that her makeup is always on point and makes me feel like I'm just doing it wrong.

She is incredibly important in today's world. Love her.

For us, the "about the couple" was purely to give some background for extended relatives who might not have had an opportunity to meet the spouse-to-be. So I guess it wasn't so much "about the couple" as it was "about each half of the couple," I suppose. We just wanted great-aunt Mildred from Wisconsin to feel less…

Honestly, I like the Armstrong knockoff better. I guess it looks less like the original (which wasn't so mermaid-y), but it's really lovely..

Having recently spent time babysitting my niece and nephew and been subjected to the "Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse" series, I can only assume, that while LEGO creates a similar product that illicits thinkpieces and oscar-talk, Mattel thinks its target group are fucking imbecils. That can't be helping business.