“Mother likes her food very hot” sounds like a line from a horror movie.

Nothing makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with people like a food service story. I mean, you can find articles about racists and extremists anywhere, but when a grown woman starts chanting “EXTRA CARAMEL EXTRA CARAMEL!” or says they’re only allergic to fish that swim, I can’t help but wonder if, as a species, our…

I mean, what else could a bowl possibly be used for aside from soup? I’m still reasonably sure these people eat cereal off a plate. With a knife and fork.

Pinkham, I would follow you to Fox News for my Kitchette fix.

KAZZZOOOOOOOOOS is brilliant! But god, much as I want to give it #1 the image of the real #1 sitting next to that customer and shoveling popcorn into her face is brilliant. “Here ground! This is for you! Don’t worry chair, it’s not free if I give it to you!”

I came for the Caramel Golem. I stayed for the popcorn bag.

Thing is, I would absolutely run crazy holiday home-cook stories without hesitation.

Thing is, I would absolutely run crazy holiday home-cook stories without hesitation.

I’m amazed that story wasn’t a bigger deal with readers. It might be my favorite this year (other than possibly Kazooooos), just because of the glorious prose.

Do you have any real fish stories?

This comment is 100% serious, btw; BCO wouldn’t be the same without one last Pinkham’s Law.

A) See you soon at Wonkette!

Awww, one last Pinkham’s Law. Thanks for coming.

Let us all raise a monogrammed thermos of Piglio Griglio in salute.

Pinkham, this one’s for you: