My dog stepped on my foot the other day. When do I get mine? WHEN IS MY TIME?!

ugh i get super mad when my mom doesn't know something i need to know LIKE WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOU (which i will say to her)

i wasn't sure it was her since i am used to her in full made up face/know her best from her older films, and the second she was gone i called my mom and was like MOM IS GEENA DAVIS SUPER TALL.

i met her once at the airport. i worked there and she bought a magazine or water or something. she dropped her change when i handed it to her. it was all cute.

I'd love to know that! I must be old, because I just don't get it. All women I know, when insulted by strange men, reply with "Fuck off" and move on. How is insult supposed to be a come-on?

What the fresh hell? Why on earth would any rational human being think that saying mean things to someone would make them want to hang out?

Their tactics are so very subtle and stealthy. At no point do you ever suspect something weird is going on or wonder "Jesus, what the fuck is up with these guys?" It's like being sexually harassed by a rhinoceros dipped in neon paint.

Ugh. True story: in 2008 or 2009 I was living/working in Santa Monica, CA. I was walking somewhere (home, a bar, I don't recall.) These two dudes asked me where some bar was. I didn't know. (Turns out it was a shitty bar, a few blocks away. It wasn't one of the roughly 2,185 local bars I knew. There were a lot of…

Blanc is an enormous dickhead, even by the standards of the pickup artist field, a field that's crowded with dickheads, a field that is really more dick than field.

Messier hired well known Boston lawyer Steven L. Milton to sue the club for civil damages, and according to Milton, Paradise lost.

So... what you're saying is: success doesn't depend on who you replace Drew Bledsoe with, just replace him.

"I also noticed she was black. I then thought it would be funny to tweet JOKES about that observation"

No, I work for a giant corporation that monitors web use and blocks sites like Gawker and has a million warnings everywhere that remind us that looking at pornographic imagery is cause for immediate termination. And I am not the only person here who is in this position.

Honestly, the kind of guy that consistently complains about being friendzoned isn't even welcome in my friendzone.

YES. These "why won't women have sex with me" posts are often really baffling, especially because so many of them ask some variant of "am I ugly?". Generally my hypothetical (because I'm not looking) answer would be "you look fine, but you're acting like a douche and this makes you unattractive."

Do these men not…

Yes, definitely, those surgeries have devastating impacts on many people, though this case is particularly extreme. I know it's in vogue to demonize John Money, and he certainly deserves a lot of it, but John Colapinto (probably through Milton Diamond, whom I find obnoxious at best) uses him and the case of David…

The pterodactyl's name is Sekhmet the Wise, and she asks three riddles of brave explorers who wish to enter my penis in search of wonders. But beware! For Sekhmet values only courage and those who are true of heart, for in the billions of years she has lived cursed with blindness the vision of these bright souls…

Now that's sexy.

"A typical erect penis is 5-7 inches."

The first man that figures out how to make his penis vibrate on command will be a god among men.