A person with an Irish last name telling someone else not to overcook their potatoes is priceless.

he can now go to a doctor in this shorty country. he has less stress about where he sleeps and he has set up accounts so he does not spend all of it. he was homeless. how the fuck does ir ger worse? this person has done more for him then you ever will for any homeless person. your shitty trearments don’t work. get…

That’s probably why it’s mostly in a trust fund.

The one that leaves its veterans homeless and destitute so they have to rely on random strangers for even a bare minimum of an existence?

Anastasia grabs a couple hot dogs from the deli bag.
“Oops,” she exclaims, “they’re all wet with hot dog water.”
Goddamn. She knows what she’s doing to me. She knows that hot dogs remind me of my dick.
“Why don’t you cut those up. I’ll grab some ketchup from the fridge,” I insinuate with my words, while grabbing the…

If you had told me that “Frat Turtle” was a wide receiver at FSU, I would have believed you.

FSU football players. Somewhere a booster is writing an even bigger check while thinking, “Yeah, fuck that turtle! GO NOLES!”.

Holy shit I could write better erotic fiction than this and I’ve only had sex like twice

Hi Bono!

It’s fascinating how many letter writers talk themselves right up to the brink of the obvious but then ask Dan to push them the last half-step.

“She doesn’t want to have sex with me, she’s not in love with me, and we’re mostly together because of her fear of being alone. What should I do?”

“I work with this guy, he’s a…

The A.V. Club: Where you’ll ask yourself ‘why do I keep coming back to talk about pop culture with my out-of-touch uncle?’

The coastal elite Soros funded program directors refuse to play my song “False Flag (Sandy Hook)” and I’m pissed off.

Herbie Hancock, Outkast, Whitney Houston, Lauryn Hill, Ray Charles, Santana, Lionel Richie, Natalie Cole (in the biggest joke of a win ever)... well you get the point.

Lol. Your idiot school and idiot fan base is actually open to Kiffin coming back. Not only did he piss on you guys on the way out, he hired Art Briles’ son and said he didn’t care about “stuff” at Baylor. Give me a break about the Sandusky nonsense.

I’m so over the fake sanctimony from an outfit that produced Peyton Manning and his ass cheeks and who had the last coach actively discourage his players from helping sexual assault victims.

This is about not thinking Schiano is the best hire. If these fools thought he was the best hire, it wouldn’t have mattered had…

Tennessee could be on the hook for thirty million dollars to a coach they fired, a coach that never showed up and a fired athletic director, but remember, it’s just not feasible to pay players.

And Frank Martin’s crazy ass drug South Carolina from the dumpster to the Final Four.

Ice T: “That’s messed up.”

Jennifer Hudson has 10 times the talent of Beyonce. It’s not even close. Beyonce is a brand with a psychotic fan base. That’s it.

And the least-paid women in music are the sweatshop workers who make Beyonce’s clothing line!