Second year of little league in the 80s. I was abnormally tall for my age which made me too big for the white, team issued pants. Mom took me to the local sport store to find suitable replacements. Unbeknownst to me, these new pants were considerably more sheer than the kids pants.

When I was 4, I peed my pants during a T-Ball game because I was sure my cup would hold it in. Wouldn’t have been such a big deal had it not been before the game had even started and I wasn’t standing next to the park bathrooms. The cup had holes in it too... Things haven’t gotten much better since then

8th Grade, 3-on-3 basketball tournament. Actually had a pretty good team, and made it to the semis.

Intramural indoor soccer in college. I was playing goalie, because I stopped playing soccer when I was 7 and have absolutely no footskills. I don’t remember why the ball was so high in the air, but it was, and I severely misjudged the bounce. I tracked it down running back towards my own goal, like a center fielder…

It basically reserves your place to buy season tickets for a specific seat in the house. It’s the dumbest grift in all of professional sports, I had an acquaintance who went to the Falcons’ wine and dine and walked out laughing when they told him his previously $5k season tickets were now $50k+that $5k. There’s a…

“Some people are fans of the Los Angeles Chargers.”

If the Chargers can’t put a decent football team around him, then damnit, Philip Rivers is gonna make one.

Its been said, but needs to be said again.

He chased cops for an hour naked. Police know exactly how to use non lethal force, even when running from someone who has committed 3 murders that day.

Next time an unarmed person (probably of color) is killed ask yourself what their crime was, and why the police felt the…

I don’t like that you pointed that out because then I snickered. I’ll see you in hell.

This is truly, truly terrible.

That dude killed two women and a child and spent an hour running around naked, trying to tackle and wrestle police officers, who absolutely refused to use their service weapons against him, and if watching that video doesn’t tell you 100% the difference between how the police treat black people and white people,…

pretty easy - just grab ‘em by the hot dish

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

For food we had: Steak. Burgers. Bar-b-que. Pizza. Beer. Soda. Milkshakes. Mari-fucking-juana. A DJ. Ice cream cake.

Someone with no kids voluntarily joining a two-day road trip with a family that includes 1- and 4-year-olds is one of the craziest fucking things I’ve ever heard. After about hour eight, he’ll probably call ahead to a urologist in Florida and schedule a vasectomy before even returning home to Chicago.

Brackets [] are used in legal writing when you change or shorten a phrase within a quote from a case in order to make it generic to your argument or to fitgrammatically into your text.

You okay, man? Need a glass of water or something?

My wife bought me 12 new pairs of boxers for my birthday, which I was legitimately excited about; as the old pairs had been through a lot, but my excitement was quickly turned to disappointment as I saw they were button fly boxers...  Had to explain to her why this was a bad present now and that no, it’s not the same…

Ta-Nehisi Coates once described that the way he pulled back from football was the realization that Jerry Jones doesn’t actually care about winning.

Dallas hasn’t been this fucked since that time Debbie came to visit.