“Well, I thought we were just going to come in for right side tires but we ran into some trouble. The Mountain Dew-Skoal-Chex Mix-Valvoline Cessna was running great all day—got a little loose there at the end of the runway and that was that.”

Preliminary reports indicate that the pilot lost control of the plane after learning Tennessee has a professional football team. 

He’s a role model for every high school kid, surviving a cock block on the way to second base.

And like Dallas, Brandy’s not gonna get a ring any time soon.

“Hey, I wish there was a city that had Dallas’s urban planning, but also drunken bachelorettes!”

Drew, this was hysterical. To go to all the trouble of writing a WYTS for a team that’s not real is simply genius. 

In the movie Cast Away, Tom Hanks spends four years on an island....alone. When he returns to civilization, his estranged wife notes “We got a football team now.”

Yeah, and having him in there with a knee brace when he clearly shouldn’t have been playing - as if a brace will magically hold a blown knee together.

Nashville is the spiritual home of every suburban girl who claims to be “country at heart” because she owns cowboy boots and her parents are racist.

*Joe Theismann comes hobbling in with his walker*

Somewhere Dwayne Haskins is smiling nervously and saying to his agent, “That won’t happen to me, right?” And when his question is met with stony silence, his leg starts twitching uncontrollably and he shouts, “Right?” Silence.

Only the hand was not football or baseball. The hand was a cocktail of scripts while battling shingles. Got in sleepwalking fight concrete floor. I woke up with bones sticking out of my hand. Wife said I was just yelling and pounding on the ground. 

*nods along*

This feels like a good time to mention that the Buccaneers won the Ed Block Courage Award NFL Athletic Training Staph of the Year for 2013.

A Colt with a broken leg? Absolutely Barbaric.

Alanis, this is good reporting.

The only reason these coaches are fighting is because of how vague and sloppy this rule is.

good article but i weep for the amount of shit you’re going to get for it 

If this poor guy didn’t have bad himself, he wouldn’t have any himself at all.

Andrew Luck, the Alfa Romeo of Quarterbacks.