I’m sorry for your loss.

Have you heard the good news?

HUMBLEBRAG!

You can get 50 test strips on eBay for like $5. Just test every week if you’re paranoid.

I’m 5’4”. My husband is 6’5”. We bought our bed specifically because it’s exactly his pelvis height. Just saying — shop wisely.

...Then she tasks her maid to make a nutritious broth, in the hopes that she can’t.

NOPE

So glad I am not alone. During all the other seasons, especially fall and winter, I’m happy to be out and about and do things and what-not, but in the summertime I barely want to walk a few blocks to put something in the mail. I hide away in the AC and wait for death and/or fall.

I’ll admit that one of the reasons I like fall is that it’s the season when stores decide they’ll carry clothes in my favorite colors and in the styles that look best on me. Also, there’s lovely plaid everywhere.

Winter is a second up to fall for me. After living in the mountains where the snow would have us sealed in for a week at a time, it lost some of the magic, but now that I’ve moved I’m excited for new winter adventures!

The best season is autumn; this is not up for debate. Summer is the worst and I am hating every miserably sticky minute of it.

CHILDREN OF AUTUMN, WE MUST TAKE UP ARMS AGAINST THE ADVANCING WINTER HORDE! WE WILL SLAY THEM AND BURN THEIR BODIES ON FESTIVE BONFIRES!

Yeah the first part of winter is wonderful obvs because new snow and Christmas and I get to take time off work and stay home drinking whiskey and hot chocolate.

I feel sorry for anyone who didn’t know about him pre-Jennifer Lawrence because he really is stupidly hot and you have been missing out.

You’re Amy Schumer and this is from a new movie, right?

If you don’t win I’m burning the Internet to the ground.

Wee little British accents. Every time.

Nope, no. Just no. It’s Hamm’s year. It's a cumulative Emmy, fine, but Don Draper is absolutely deserving of a trophy.