Well, at least you know what you're doing! I don't have kids, but I was a nanny for several years and did quite a few overnights. Ooof. But since you know what's up, it'll even out into happy nap times before you know it.

Don't worry. It gets better. But I will say: read up and start thinking about what sleep training method, if any, you would prefer now. Because its a lot harder to fix sleep issues in a one year-old than it is to start good habits in a four month-old.

It only gets easier from here! Until they learn to walk. But don't worry about that now. And remember, diapers.com delivers at an alarmingly fast rate.

First! Congrats!!!! Big hugs and kisses to your two little bundles of joy!

It gets better. I promise.

I don't have twins, but I had three children within three years of each other, so I can empathize?

You can do this. I swear. This is fresh and new to you. The hormonal levels you have are wreaking havoc. You have twins! Cut slack!!!!!!!!

Slightly less relevant but still hilarious is

My husband adds an 'l' to the word "idea." "Hey, I have an ideal! Let's go to the movies!" It drives me NUTS. At this point, I'm convinced he does it only because it annoys me.

Before cars, pizza was delivered by a "pie horse". The power and popularity that came with this great novelty and the prestigious position of pie-horseman tended to go to the pie-horseman's head. They had a reputation for their haughty attitudes and power-mongering. It became popular slang to tell snobby people to…

Pointless silly couple arguments are one of my favorite things on Earth. My friend had an argument over whether her husband could put cream of chicken soup in pasta salad, and that is one of my favorite stories about them as a couple.

My reactions to each of these batshit insane parent comments...

I could not get through 'Metamorphosis. Something bugged me about the main character.

I'm just gonna leave this right here:

Must be tough raising kids with millions of dollars and a full complement of household staff. Somebody please tell this silly child to sit down...

As I posted elsewhere:

What the fuck?! I can just think of live-blogging to somehow garner as much sympathy as he could? Bullet dodged.

My favorite kind of porn is Oatmeal Creme Pie.

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Kanye's an IRL vampire.