No joke, my step daughter had me buy Donald Trump piñatas for her quinceanera and everybody had a blast bludgeoning it with passion

You could have a party, and call it La Fiesta de Trumpiñata, and it’d be HUUUUGE.

I say we all start sending these yahoos our soaked tampons and pads so they can cherish all the pre-babies that tragically were flushed from the womb due to no fertilization. I think they'd appreciate the chance to mourn. I know there are medical waste disposal measures that facilities must follow but I personally…

I’m commenting for the first time in... five years?? to share my family’s ridiculous Christmas cards I Photoshop every year. To my mom’s credit she thinks this is the best thing ever, although she does also make us also take a (more) normal picture.

In the social media age, if the only time you're trying to connect with me is to get my address so you can send me your picture perfect Christmas card, I'm not your friend, I'm your audience. And I'm going to pass on that one.

Russell Simmons must be the black friend for so many clueless rich people. Bet he and Diddy have scheduled meetings in the Hamptons to divvy up the list.

Does anyone know if regulating ammunition has ever been considered? Like, if you want to buy more than 100 bullets you have to prove you’re not a maniac? Or you can only buy that much if you’re a registered shooting range, etc?

My next door duplex neighbors in college were SEVEN Paul Ryans, all of them Republican assholes who were going to school on FEDERALLY funded grants/loans (spending their stipends on TV’s and pool tables), and I the Democrat who’s parents paid for every cent, by the work of their brow.

Preach, Kim. Being pregnant fucking sucks. It’s totally worth the prize at the end but holy shit, I hated being pregnant.

Ooo, I know a Canadian Sex joke. Why do Canadians do it doggy style? So they can both watch the hockey game.

For a guy who hates China so much, he sure is obsessed with great walls.

Exactly! And then Farticus mentioned pain killers and ER bills, which I’d never even thought about, and then now I’m thinking oh god, what if I had a son and he tore his foreskin while mastubating and was too embarrassed to tell me or his father and got an infection? And now I’m helicopter mommy-ing my nonexistent…

I like Ulta much better than Sephora.

So he never had sex with a woman “that old”. A woman in her late 30s. That’s considered “really old”. WHO THE FUCK DO THESE GUYS THINK THEY ARE? LOOK IN THE GOD DAMN MIRROR YOU LOSERS! I’m 42 and I wouldn’t let your average looks anywhere near my pussy! I fucking hate deluded men who think they are god’s fucking gift…

Hey, if I’m drunk-buying, you might as well be drunk-selling.

That looks far more 1983 than I am comfortable with.

It’s funny how all the “good Christian men” these days are all pedophiles or other types of sexual deviants.