I have always thought that Scully “settled” with Mulder, when I felt she could have had a loving and stable relationship with that shining dome of hotness, AD Walter Skinner.

One doesn't buy a crown, one inherits, or the whole thing just smacks of the middle class!

It’s a little bit exotic, but also relies heavily on boiling. How could they resist?

Starch is not a category. There’s fruits and vegetables and there is grains. Potatoes are not a grain. They are a vegetable.

Kids should be required to at least try anything before they reject it because “it looks funny,” though. I don’t agree with making kids eat everything they hate, but they damn sure shouldn’t get to sit in their plain-hamburgers-with-ketchup-and-maybe-plain-cheese-pizza comfort zone all the time (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MY…

Personally, I feel mandatory maternity testing should be required for every birth.

pretty sure there is a sign about putting your stuff on the seats, though it may be too subtle for the above mouthbreathers to fully grasp.

Every full moon, a little rabbit goes out into the garden and leaves a precious bundle of baby in exchange for some carrots. She leaves it under a little rock. In the morning, if the mommy wants to get pregnant, she holds the daddy’s hand and they go together to the rock, pull it up, and pick out their kid together.…

No wonder their guacamole is so damned lame. Proper guacamole needs a FUCK TON of lime juice, and a similar FUCK TON of cilantro (haters to the left). Also sea salt, finely diced grape tomatoes, and a hefty dose of cumin (powder, not whole seeds).

If you projectile vomit all over a restaurant, you should ask them for a wafer-thin mint before you leave.

Yep. It’s weird, though - I have a shellfish allergy, like anaphylaxis throat swelling kind of allergy, and no restaurant has EVER given me the slightest bit of shit about it. I also carry an EpiPen for that.

But was it monogrammed?

JESUS CHRIST FILM YOUR VIDEOS IN LANDSCAPE PEOPLE

Love him! My 17 year old daughter wore a dress with spaghetti straps yesterday and when a school administrator told her to cover up she asked him if her shoulders were turning him on. She's a sassy thing and I love it.

Oh, honey, no, they can’t read.

Wait, I thought Christians were supposed to be looking forward to Christ’s return in the second coming and/or the rapture. In that case, shouldn’t she be *thanking* Obama?

Ma’am, if you want to pray, go to church .

It’s all right to be Christian, but cut it out with that actual Christ-Like behavior, you hear?