As a UGA alum, I feel like I just broke up with a girlfriend who was wholesome and amazing but couldn’t clinch a SEC title. I am not good at metaphors.

in texas, you stick to your guns no matter how many times you shot yer goddamned toes off

He blew his clav out on a sack

Well, when you rearrange the letters in Jonathan Papelbon’s name you get “Plant a banjo phone.”

“No way a single jet could do that much damage.” - Pete Carroll

I dreamed a dream in overtime

Les Misérables

Player: Hello Coach Chip, how are you today?

*Swipes iPhone up to turn on camera* [Cannot Take Photo. There is not enough available storage to take photo]

WHY DON’T THEY JUST MAKE THE WHOLE CONDOM OUT OF SALIVA THEN?!!?!

It’s all applesauce. I tried to rip a goose route down the gullet of the trench and he just put ham on my bannister. I’d had enough and I let my ancestors control my fists. The rest is history. We all covered our perfect bodies in exotic oils in the locker room and achieved many physical and spiritual orgasms while…

Friends, my hips have become two bags of sand and I cannot urge the ball into the zone with the velocity of my dreams and the thoughtfulness of my ancestors. I have consulted the priests and they all tell me, yes, Tim, you have ghosts in your bones and your gyrations have angered them. They tell me my haunted bones…

i love you

With hands like that, it’s no wonder he can thunderdunk the biscuit a full six fences away from the goal. You just pepper the dance floor and he’ll clean the jar, no doubt. This kid hasn’t even left the refrigerator, you just wait. If Minnesota doesn’t rattle the bell, I’m sure LA will be zipping up the bean bags. And…

I just feel bad for his wife, who was forced to listen to 17 terrible jokes the next day.

I express many thanks for awarding of American Cup of Hockey Award and am blessed for being straddled by the thighs of Chicago. Beneath the cheese I will glaze the ham, as was the old way.

Guarantee that Rousey double shank legs Coerria right off of a rear choke helix. If Coerria lasts through all of that, I’d be surprised if Rousey doesn’t immediately force a Janckman’s Plexus on her and shatter her buttonhook. Coerria’s only shot is a quick, accurate Miranda’s Reversal into a hog-nosed bat tap. Once…

That wasn't aimed at you Tyler. Just directed to you since it's for everyone's general dissemination. But, I did want you to see it given how aggressive you've been concerning the F-35. Your access in military aviation is far better than mine. That being said, when you toss out the haters, pilots have been thoroughly…