Maybe people in the Star Wars universe just aren’t very bright? It’s been argued that no one in the whole universe actually knows how to read. We know that they have whole armies of soldiers who can’t hit anything they aim at. The all-powerful Jedi psychics somehow failed entirely to detect that the politician in the…

The flice must spow ... I mean, the mice flust ... the spust ... dammit!

Seagulls: “On it.”

I’ve known a few college frat guys whose verbal and mental processes never rose much above the “I am Groot” level so ... yeah.

Not all of them were as nice-natured as Groot, though.

Consider using the ‘Delicates’ cycle if that’s an option. The last time I washed a shower curtain liner, the machine shredded it (and I do mean ‘shredded’).

Doctor Strange 2: Doctor Strange vs. Doctor Strangelove

“When nine hundred years old you reach, sometimes forget to use a contraceptive you will too. Still, turned out alright, she did.” 

Nice nod to the practice of death photography.

“Welcome to the park. We have a wide choice of themed worlds — Westworld, Westeros World, North by Northwest World, West Point World ...”

Now that we know that R2-D2 runs on AAA batteries, it sheds some light on why he was inert through most of “The Force Awakens”: his batteries had obviously run down. When someone in the Rebel camp finally thought to put in a fresh set, he came back to life. Nice work, dumbasses: you could have found your precious Luke…

Warnings I’ve seen about this also stress that when you call your card company, you should use a different phone from the one that you were called on. In some cases, vishers are able to hold the phone line open so that when you call out you are connected to them again — and they will, of course, assure you that you…

“Are you real?”
“Well if you can’t tell, does it matter?”

If you need a two-line summary of the Turing Test, that’s a pretty good one right there.

What does it mean? Well, the fact that he posted a screencap from the original film rather than the remake means that there’s some hope for Kanye West as a human being.

Perhaps the screencap is an ironic commentary on Uber’s announcement of self-driving cars this week?

In post-Soviet Russia, you have the right to arm bears.

“What happened?” said Hollis a minute later.

Bringing relatives into relativity just confuses things.

• Seamstress, 30-45 years old. “This character is charismatic, self-assured, and prone to occasional seizures. No nudity is required for the role, but the actress must be comfortable working with feral wombats and have strong bayonet-fighting skills. Must be at least six feet tall, with sallow skin and a pronounced…

You had me right up until you got to Ashton Kutcher. No way he’s real.

Although why would someone invent Ashton Kutcher? Hmm ...

And the Evil Evildoers of Evil are sitting up and taking notice that they can start a mass panic with nothing much more than two or three guys and a few handfuls of firecrackers. Maybe a threatening phone call or two to help get things stirred up. Works in malls, airports, night clubs and sports stadiums. Cheapest…

Is there any chance that some Bothans will die? Because I’m not sure I want to watch a movie where no Bothans die. I mean, as I understand it that’s what Bothans do. I admit, I don’t know much about Bothans, but as far as I know, dying is all they do. And I do think that a few dying Bothans lends a touch of gravitas…