I played Fiona Apple in our senior skit (yeah, for some reason our senior skit featured Fiona Apple). It was a blast.

Well, if you have access to great restaurants, I guess we HAVE to be friends.

It's a weird hobby? If they are in desperate need, I do it for free. If not, we make a deal (they'll buy my groceries or get me dinner, something like that).

I never watch Gilmore Girls, but I was cleaning a friend's house while she was watching it. I took a break and watched with her—it just happened to be that very episode.

Ohhhh. I understand that. My dad is pretty good looking, and I had so many friends who crushed on him. It was weird.

Until I was basically an adult, I had (natural) blond hair, very pale blond when I was under ten. And I had dark, thick eyebrows, too, like everyone else in my family. I'm sorry my heritage looks "white trash" to you, though.

I've been into lots of girls who look like the Biebs, but I'm definitely not into him. I think you're safe.

So somehow I read that David Cameron was fisting at the bottom of the ocean. It is too late for reading comprehension.

It's really, really wonderful. I suggest having it with many alcoholic beverages because then it is even more amazing.

My family raises half-pygmy goats for milk. If they are only half pygmy, it is much easier to milk them but they maintain the small size so you don't have to own a lot of land.

I left a message on my brother and sisters phone telling him to call that number, it was urgent. I tried to sound as serious as possible so they would think it was some kind of emergency (I'm cruel). They enjoyed the surprise.

I love you. Heh.

I was raised Mormon, and I got that line all of the time. When I finally left the church, my sister could not comprehend how someone could be unhappy in the same religion that made her happy.

Sleeping pills can often make conditions like this worse, not better.

When I was in college, I was taking Ambien and didn't realize it was making me sleepwalk and hallucinate. And then one day I was called in to the deans office because I'd apparently threatened my roommate with a knife the night before. It was terrifying.

I have a good friend named Slaughter. It's such an awesome name.

"My name is many, for we are legion" is all I could think of when I read that.

There's an NPR reporter with my name. I think it's pretty awesome.

I always wanted a personalized keychain and was so sad I couldn't get one. Otherwise, I love my name.

Hoodies don't kill people. Assholes with guns and false assumptions kill people.