If Trump calls Hillary a bitch my guess the next day the headlines will be: “Is Hillary a bitch?”

I read it twice hoping he’d said ‘mourning bagel’.

Put yourself in charge of the DJ or the band.

I go by my middle name, because it’s a normal name. My [Mexican, Catholic] mother decided finding a beautiful name from the bible would be great for me. So I have a name no one knew how to pronounce in elementary school, or they made fun of it.

I thought this exact same thing.

My parents gave me a first name and then always called me by my middle name. Not to honor my great-grandfather or anything, just to mess with my life. If you are a parent thinking of having children, please do not do this to your little ones. I am 38 and still pay for it to this day. Half of my teachers, elementary…

Anytime I read lists like this about weddings it makes me happy that my wife and I have so few fucks to give.

I don’t know what to do. I want to signify that I appreciate your contributions to this conversation but I very, very much do not want to star these comments...

Agree on the alcohol wrangling, and the entire menu if you can get away with it. Again, as long as no one on her side has a crazy about it, go to town.

Re, being a “junior” - I’m a 3rd; and, ironically, it’s gotten me exactly three things:

Have the more normal Trump supporters not noticed that they’re sharing their tent with the KKK, Brietbart commenters, and actual Nazis?

Got those smoke detectors from China too.

She said half of Trump supporters are deplorable.

Make sure your smoke detectors have functioning batteries.

By, by god, they fuck up EVERYTHING

Then John Boehner needs a new nickname?

There we go. Now you can use it every morning! Unless you’re a Boxster man.

One of the hardest things about being a parent is letting kids help.

“...they fuck up EVERYTHING. It’s exhausting.” So true. I make a big enough mess on my own, adding some 6-year-old to the mix suddenly makes 10 times the mess in half the time. That’s why when I have some left over hunks of wood, I’ll have the 8-yeard-old work on screwing them together with a drill. She hasn’t impaled…

On the drinking/peeing thing: there was a bar in Philly that was frequented by La Salle, St. Joe’s and Philly U. kids. They instituted a Free ‘Til You Pee special. The first time you went to the bathroom you were marked and thus had to pay. They stopped it after two kids sat the bar for hours, never once getting up.…