(*In general, it’s actually a good idea to not eat too much pineapple in one sitting, because apparently there’s enough acid in there to strip your cheeks clean. I ate half a pineapple last week and everything tasted like batteries for two hours after that.)

Fun fact: pineapple does not, in fact, contain a shit ton of acid. It contains the enzyme bromelain, which is basically a flesh-eating enzyme that’s also used in meat tenderizing and a has a clinical application for removing dead tissue from severe burns. That’s why it burns your taste buds off.

And traps! I’d have to trap Reed by placing a shitload of golf tees upside down in a nearby bunker. Then maybe he’d run into the bunker and impale himself on those tees, like the dudes hunting Rambo in First Blood. It could work!

What about music?

“How soon until a computer is coaching in the NFL?”

Maybe I am Superman a relatively good cook with a bad polo shirt.

My aunt made something called “tuna mold”, which was canned tuna, onions, celery, condensed tomato soup, and gelatin. She even had a plastic mold that looked like a tuna. It was present at every family get together. That shit still haunts my dreams. The first (and only) time I tried to explain it to my Italian wife…

Aspic actually goes way back to medieval times. Since they were making gelatin by boiling down bones and stuff, it made sense (sort of) to turn it into a savory thing, and put meat and veg in it. Sweet gelatin/Jello is the relatively new thing. And a vast improvement.

When I was a kid my mom would make lime jello with cottage cheese and pineapple bits in it and I would eat that shit up. Then around the age of 9 or 10 I realized what the hell I was eating. I ended up going to culinary school

Gawd those 70s recipes. Shit like tuna jello. This is why I had to teach myself to cook. For some reason, baby boomer moms didn’t listen to their mothers and just started cracking open cans of cream if mushroom soup.

This food looks like a threat.

Yeah, Roenick with check on face-off was unfair, plus Balfour was 99 plus Chelios was a beast.

Sure, hamburgers and hotdogs.

Thank you for your sympathies. Thankfully, most of us have moved on. My brother and I left Podunkville and college was eye opening. We’re both now really into cooking, trying new foods and recipes and bouncing them off of each other. Our journey into a broader pallet helped open our parents’ just a bit: dad now puts…

“(The only kid we have old enough to eat it, does not like pizza.)“

Flippers personal pizza. Thin crust arugula, prosciutto and pine nuts. Really. And yes, I’m a liberal elitist.

No, when you hear that name, you think of black clouds raining acid down onto a field of dead hobos.

I’ve been to the taqueria in downtown Dayton that Drew mentioned. I don’t remember much about the food, but as I was walking out of the restaurant on July 23, 2011 (RIP Amy W.), some obese 10 year old boy walked in wearing a dirty, oversized shirt that read, “Indoor Person.”

Wouldn’t that make the Broncos the Colts?

One of my favorite jokes ever. An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all sitting at a bar, drinking pints of Guinness. A fly lands in each one. The Englishman fishes the fly out, flicks it away, and pushes his pint down the drain. The Scotsman fishes the fly out, flicks it away, and resumes drinking his…