Stories of chomping make me think of this cartoon: clearly I have permanently mixed up babies and cats.

Y’ll are absolutely right. I’m sorry for the ethnocentric inaccuracy.

My sister had a rule: draw blood and the kid is instantly weaned.

Well, I really didn’t want to breastfeed before reading this article, but now that really settles it. Formula for everyone!

My guy was 2 weeks overdue and his nails were sooooo loooooong by the time he was born, and trying to cut them was like defusing a goddamn bomb. It’s just one item on my long, long list entitled “Why I Only Have One Child.”

I know some women love nursing their babies, I am not one of those women. I nursed our first for 12 months and our second 10 months. Then I was done! I made a double martini and started shopping for cute bras. Freedom!

My son got his teeth and I was still breastfeeding. Shortly after this happened, I moved to exclusively pumping. Didn't look back. Although I missed the bonding, I didn't miss feeling like my nipple was going to be bitten off.

Half inch long nails on a newborn?! No wonder you get so torn up pushing one of those little monsters out. That is an absolutely terrifying image. Babies be scary af O_O

My fussy little vampire preferred to drink blood from the bottle and I was grateful to her for that.

Huzzah for the child free life! *Sharpens stakes*

When my kiddo was nursing, we called her the chupaleche.

My kid managed to gouge her little face with hers before she even came home from the hospital. Those suckers are SHARP.

My baby’s talons. Yes, I gave birth to a white baby. ARENT VAMPIRES ALSO REALLY PALE

As long as my kid doesn’t turn out like this creepy thing I’m still on board:

Wait...is this why people get mad when I call them “lady doctors” in an awed voice?

The only thing I hate about “man buns” is the name. It’s a bun, no need to gender the fucking thing.

“The condition, which is usually seen in women who wear tight hairstyles, is now becoming more common in men.”

It is. Most women don’t wear their hair like that everyday and even if they wear it up a lot, they’re not usually pulling it back into a super tight. But I’ve seen it in plenty of women and its Usually ones who pull their hair high and tight every day.

The first modern era one I remember is when we went to Tulum for X-mas in 2010. There were a number of yoga people on the beach, and a man-bunned dude was naked doing some sort of upside down yoga pose. This was the (man bun hate incipience) moment for me. And I say this as a guy growing out his hair for the first…

I don’t get the man bun hate. I mean I’ve seen plenty of women with ugly haircuts. If you ever wore those ugly half haired bumps that were popular a few years back you can’t complain.