DEMPSEY: Call it
REF: no, see, I’m the ref. I flip the coin. You have to call it.
DEMPSEY: ...call it
REF: Ok we’re gonna need a new captain out here

It’s nice to see a bunch of teenage girls heading the wrong way on something other than my local highway.

They’ve already released the new new logo. 

Daley Blind sounds like a braille newspaper

Told after the game that he was being sent to AA, Borenstein said, “No, really, I was sober.”

The only thing left is that he just wants to be considered the best player on his team, which makes it odd when his short list of 4 contains one team with a player (Porzingis) that should be better than him shortly, one team with two players (Butler and KAT) who are widely considered better than him right now, and one…

“Sometimes you just have to beat an ass.”

Racism? At an Indians game?

Bjork followed that up tonight by telling reporters that Freeze was allowed to redact “personal calls” from the phone records before they were released.

But how will domestic violence be handled in 17776? Will there even be a punishment if the nanos protect anyone from injury?

I think he really meant that. After all we know he’s not reading off cue cards or a teleprompter.

History is going to make Wayne Gretzky look pretty bad for the temerity of choosing to wear #99 before Aaron Judge was even born.

Wow he rumsprung that on the Rays out of nowhere.

Everyone has a similar story about taking edibles and not waiting long enough for them to kick in. I have a few of them, one from as recently as last weekend, because I am a moron who does not learn from past mistakes.

Making fun of his weight is just picking low hanging fruit, which Christie would never touch, unless it’s covered in chocolate or filling a pie; because he’s a fatty fatty 2x4, can’t fit through the kitchen door.

That’s nothing on the greatest team name in international sports, New Zealand’s basketball squad: the Tall Blacks.

Lunacy.

The thing about shit-talking Waiters is that sometimes they spit in your food.

Even Bob Myers is throwing up heat checks now.

The guy thinks he knows better than the umpire just because he has a pair of Is.